It’s January 2018 and I’m shooting a commercial for Babies-R-Us. I’ve been getting moments of nausea. It feels completely ironic that when sitting in a nursing rocker in the middle of the baby store, it hits me: What if I’m pregnant? I look around the store imagining my life filled with baby stuff. After the shoot, I stop at a drugstore and buy a pregnancy test. I get home and eagerly stare at the box. It says, “Wait until morning for the best results.” I’m not the most patient person, and there are three tests in the box. It won’t hurt to do one now, right? I pee on the stick and I stare at it for three minutes as two solid lines slowly start to form. I’m PREGNANT!!! The emotions that flooded over me… a little life in my belly. Ahh, how could this be real?? The happiness I felt in that moment, I’ll never forget. The magic of that first ultra sound. My husband squeezing my hand as we saw that little life’s heart beat on the screen. Tears rolling down my face. The excitement of sending our families little booties at ten weeks that said, “Expecting — September 2018” while Face-Timing them as they opened it. Their joyful tears would fill our hearts with the hope of the family we were building.
Then that awful day when all the happiness would be silenced. We would stare at the ultra sound, at 12 weeks, as our doctor would say, “I’m sorry, the baby is gone.” The doctor would continue to talk, but I would hear nothing. Only the sound of my own heartbeat, and an…
