Just Stay Away from Psychopaths: Lessons in Avoidance

This tumblr post hit my feed this morning, and the whole thing is hard to read because it’s just too true: Tabletop Gaming has a White Male Terrorism Problem. The quote that Donna Dickens pulled out resonated with me the most: “We’d have a lot less work if women just stayed away from dangerous, psychopathic losers”.

What I also know is that this isn’t limited to table top gaming, but has been written about and experienced by women in all parks of gaming/geek culture. As someone who has been in online gaming communities for way longer than I care to admit, I’ve taken the advice of the officer.

Just like crossing the street when I’m walking alone late and I spot a man coming toward me, or not wearing a shorter skirt or dress at conventions, I’ve modified my behavior for how I play games online.

I’ve given up on all online PC gaming and moved to consoles. This started as a way to avoid getting sucked into WoW well over a decade ago but I dabbled with browser based online games with strong communities. What I realized was all communities have people who don’t understand boundaries — and some people were doxxed. I’ve personally found that communities around console based games (i.e. Halo) are not mandatory for your gaming experience in the same way.

I only play with people I know. Once upon a time I used to meet and make friends in online games. I actually dated and eventually moved in with (and broke up with) someone I met in-game. Experiences have been mixed, but ultimately the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. I’m more likely to meet someone from Twitter nowadays and then swap gamertags.

I still love multiplayer but I love it more with music. Getting out of the game chatter has been just the best. Instead of listening to the nonsense, I can just plug in an album or a trashy Spotify playlist and enjoy.

It took me a while to realize I had chosen to modify my behavior online in similar ways that I do IRL. I know it’s statistically #NotAllMen but every time I read another post about women being harassed, grouped, assaulted, or worse just because they are living their life — it’s not enough that it’s #notallmen because it is #allwomen.