Destruction Is Also Holy

How fucking up is part of the equation

Women often feel like they have no permission to be messy or angry. Somehow it’s not okay to go out without makeup on and hair done. It’s not okay to get your kids to school late. It’s not okay to cause a ruckus or get in the middle of everyone’s day and fall apart.

The problem, of course, is that sometimes mess is part of the journey. Sometimes “holding it all together” until we are alone is counterproductive. Sometimes we miss out on the help we would get if we DID fall apart in public.

Not only this, but as we learn and grow and try on new skills, we’re going to be awkward at it. I think of the first time I had a truly honest conversation with a guy I liked…in my 30s. I did it very messily and it was kind of embarrassing. But if I waited until I could do it perfectly, it NEVER would have happened.

The truth is, some relationships and some aspects of ourselves have to fall apart before we can grow. Growth is a cycle, not a straight line. And seriously, whether it’s your inner fire, the strict setting of a boundary, or a messy conversation, these deaths are NECESSARY for growth.

There’s a reason the only tattoo I have is of a phoenix—because I wanted to constantly remind myself that destruction, while painful, is required for new life.

Now you have permission, lovely ones. Wield your sacred swords of transformation with mindfulness and a LOT of self-love.