This all started when I wrote something about how two of my friends got engaged over the weekend, and by this point in my life I’m really over massive engagement photo shoots being strewn all over the internet. I get it, friends. Happy wedding and stuff. I wrote about my trouble dealing with this, (the gist of it was: I don’t care about their proposal, and in return I won’t expect them to care about mine.). I wasn’t like, ugh the institution of marriage is awful! Girls who post proposal pictures are sluts and whores! I’m all alone and no one will love me! I didn’t say anything along those lines, I didn’t even infer that notion. However, there was this Girl On The Internet who assumed I had said those things, and her advice to me was to “curl up in a ball, and never go outside again” because “scary engaged couples are on a rampage!” She then said everyone’s favorite girl insult, “bitch please.”

My first response was shock. I’ve never been called a “bitch” on the internet before. For personal reasons, I needed to know more about this Girl, because I needed to know what credentials she had accumulated in order to call me a “bitch.” I didn’t learn too much about her, but I did learn one important tidbit: in her own little corner of the internet, she refers to herself as a “Wifey in Training” & “Mike’s Future Wifey.”

Suddenly, I had a new issue to deal with.

It seems that every time I accumulate beef with a girl on the internet it’s because she’s referred to herself as a “wifey.” Quickly, my troubles with being called a “bitch” shifted to the fact that the Girl who called me a “bitch” wants to be known as nothing more than a “wifey.” I’m so dedicated to equal rights for all, both men and women, black and white and purple and green, and there she was in her own little corner of the internet, on her own little Twitter account telling the world that the only thing they need to know about her is that she’s going to be a “wifey” Do you think she has a favorite color? A favorite band? Does she like to read? Watch movies? Where do you think she got her BS in MRS?

If we need to talk about the definition of feminism again, which I’m pretty sure we do, and heck, we can never talk about this definition enough, the true, Merriam-Webster definition is: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.

This is my problem.

This is one of the reasons our society is having trouble with feminism right now. I’m being attacked for MY issue with proposal pictures (Not even marriage! Proposal pictures. Literally) and in response, her line to me is “bitch please.” She isn’t calling me “bitch” in the same way that Tina Fey once said “bitch is the new black.” She’s calling me a bitch to be as derogatory as possible. She is not using it as a term of endearment, or to say that I could quite possibly be a female dog. She is saying it to illustrate that she is far superior to myself, and my reasoning. I am wrong; she is right.

(In case you’re wondering, Merriam-Webster defines “bitch” two different ways. This Girl On The Internet is basically calling me a “a lewd and immoral woman” AND, “a malicious, spiteful, overbearing woman.” Which is odd, because usually people describe me as “personable, patient, and adorable.”)

Girls believe they have the right to be mean to other girls if we all don’t share the same beliefs… about proposal pictures. I was simply stating that I shouldn’t be forced to care about your proposal, and this Girl On The Internet turned around and attacked me, demanding that I explain why I don’t care about it, and, according to her, it’s probably because I lead a “sad lonely life.” Like, question mark? In my mind, what she actually said to me was, “bitch we both have vaginas, look at how big my ring is.” I ooh’ed and aahh’ed and then we braided each others hair. Or, from what I can gather, that’s what she wanted to happen. She needed me to worship her at the alter of blingbling. I’d link to her response-attack article, but honestly this Girl doesn’t deserve the recognition. Here’s a picture of Amy Poehler instead.

My life has never been a quest to find the perfect man, settle down and start a family. My quest has been about doing something with my life and making the world a better place and impacting a few lives along the way. Like, my gravestone will say “This Bitch Got Stuff Done.” Girl On the Internet’s will probably just say “Mike’s Wifey” because she’s already told us we don’t need to know anything else about her — yet she has like, total permission to say whatever she wants wherever she wants because that’s like her female manifest destiny. What? How dare you tell me I can’t spam the internet with pictures of my true love! I am a feminist because I want to be treated the same as everyone else, and I want everyone else to be treated in the same respect. I want to be the best person I can be, and that has nothing to do with gender, race, or my hair color. Anything I say in direct rebuttal to Girl On The Internet will be misconstrued with her believing I’m attacking her solely on the fact that she’s engaged and I’m not. I could literally care less about her engagement.

This Girl On The Internet could have just read what I wrote, and silently disagreed with me from the comforts of her own computer. She could have just thought about how all females are different, and some want to be mothers, others want to be scientists, I still want be a mermaid, and there are some who don’t want any of that. She could have realized, hey, this girl makes some points, and I have points of my own. But she didn’t. She needed to call me a “bitch.” She needed to be mean and cruel to me because clearly I’m a “big baby.” She, however, reduced herself to a whiny female. She wrote a hastily edited response full of run on-sentences. First of all, don’t insult me with run-on sentences. Second of all, don’t insult me at all! I’m sorry I don’t care about your proposal pictures, I really am. I bet they were lovely. However, don’t turn around and tell me that my life is “terrible.” Her suggestion to me was that I need another “tinder date.” No, I’m good, but, thanks. I’m not stopping her from becoming Mike’s Wifey, so don’t stop me from continuing to be the female I want to be. I’ll probably get married, and I’ll probably have kids, and I’ll most certainly do all of this while still holding true to my feminist beliefs. Maybe I’ll post a proposal picture, too! Wouldn’t that be crazy? You never know; the future hasn’t been decided yet.

I wonder if this Girl On The Internet considers herself a feminist. I’d love to know. Men are never going to take us — the female population — seriously if all they see is us starting petty catfights. She’s managed to reduce the perception of our gender down to a girl who told me that I need to “get over myself.” This is why men and women don’t get paid equal. This is why I struggle to find a job in a male dominated industry. It’s hard to be a feminist when other girls are going to call me a “bitch” for not wanting to see their moonlit proposal. I want equal rights, and this girl needs everyone to know that she’s got a ring on it. I don’t have a ring on it, so I guess everything I say is invalid. I guess I can’t form thoughts and ideas unless I have a man to help me with it. At least, I think that’s what this Girl told me. It was sort of hard to understand her argument when every other word she said was “bitch.”

Regardless, though, congrats on your upcoming nuptials. Congrats to the both of you!