I need my (pussy) Virgina examed. Swelling hurts.

150 funky patient complaints.

Humor is a shield in the ER. It helps us cope. We laugh a lot. At each other, at ourselves, at the weirdness. Check these out. They’re all real complaints of real ER patients.

1. "I have Bavarian cysts."
2. "My doctor said that I may have a blood clog in my leg."
3. "I have a stiff neck. My doctor said it could be Smiling Mighty Jesus." Either that or spinal meningitis.
4. "My lips are chapped."
5. Attacked by an ostrich.
6. "I can't get the apple out of my vagina. The orange came out fine last night." It had to be surgically removed.
7. "The left side of my brain isn't working. It gets better when I eat beets."
8. Superman got hit by a car. He came in naked, wearing only a cape and socks. Why? "The FBI implanted something in my brain and now I can't fly!"
9. "I got attacked by a squirrel."
10. "I was cleaning my butt with my electric toothbrush and it got sucked in, the whole way.”
11. "Ghosts are sexually assaulting me."
12. Got attacked by a yak while cleaning the yak pen.
13. "I was sexually assaulted by the mushrooms I ate. They melted my brain."
14. "Ghosts are touching my cat."