Happiness Is An Action, Not A Reaction

“Those obsessed with glory attach their well-being to the regard of others, those who love pleasure tie it to feelings, but the one with true understanding seeks it only in their own actions. . . . Think on the character of the people one wishes to please, the possessions one means to gain, and the tactics one employs to such ends. How quickly time erases such things, and how many will yet be wiped away.” — MARCUS AURELIUS

From the very core of our being, we all desire happiness.

Do you agree with me that the very purpose of our life is to be happy and expand happiness every day?

If so, then are we doing every day to nurture it and expand it?

These days, in our materialistic culture, many people are led to believe that possession of objects — in particular money — or a certain social status is the ultimate source of happiness.

They work hard to make more money or to impress more people, making their happiness dependent on accomplishing external goals, of which they can’t control the results.

Isn’t that an insane risk?

Sure, it is!

When people don’t have enough of what they want, they feel unhappy.

Even after obtaining the objects of their desire, they are still not satisfied.

Worst, most of their problems arise because they focus too much on pursuing the materialistic goals at the expense of true happiness.

People then go look for external help to reduce these problems that they didn’t initially have before starting pursuing their external goals.

So what’s wrong?

The Wrong Formula Of Happiness

I personally believe that we are conditioned by external factors to act in a certain way.

Big corporations spend gazillion dollars on advertisements to influence the behavior of consumers and persuade them to buy more staff.

They use very powerful influence techniques to program the subconscious mind and make people always want more.

Robert Cialdini, considered the leading social scientist in the field of influence, talks about how easily people could step over an ethical line into manipulation or even abuse. His 2001 book Influence was eloquent about the dangers of persuasive techniques in the wrong hands.

What does this have to do with happiness?

Well, we are constantly bombarded by messages from everywhere:

Do you want to feel happy? buy this perfume.

Do you want to have a happy family? Buy a bigger house.

Do you want to blabla? Buy more, buy bigger, by faster,…

So, the underlying happiness formula that is subconsciously wired into our brain is:

DO, HAVE, BE

DO: study, work hard, ….

HAVE: a house, car, ….

BE: happy

In this formula, happiness is a destination. It’s a goal that we pursue, and hence we never have it constantly.

For the Buddha, happiness is not a goal. We make it along the way, in the experience of living, rather than arriving.

“There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path” — Gautama Buddha

This is very dangerous, because in our subconscious mind, we think that we are not happy, unless we do more stuff and have more stuff. And this process goes on forever, and makes us subconsciously eternally unsatisfied.

What is the right formula for happiness then?

The Right Formula For Happiness

Happiness is a feeling that we have inside of us. It’s within us.

It doesn’t make sense to make this internal feeling depend on external events and objects.

We have the source of contentment and happiness within ourselves.

It’s not a gift other people or things give to us.

It’s something we create from within and have a responsibility to protect.

In order to be happy, we must first appreciate and be grateful for what we already have.

Socrates once said:

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less” — Socrates

There’s no doubt that we can derive satisfaction from more achievement, such as running a faster mile, reading more books than last year, but it’s the action of doing those activities that should bring happiness, not the output of their achievement.

Material wealth and friends can also contribute to our happiness. The Dalai Lama put it this way:

“A sense of contentment is crucial to being happy. Physical health, material wealth and friends contribute to this, but contentment governs our relations with them all.” — Dalai Lama

I believe that we are born happy and can become more fulfilled through good actions, education and self-discipline.

However, we should not ruin our happiness by making it a result of our actions.

So my formula for happiness is:

BE, DO, HAVE

BE: happy. Start everyday with gratitude and satisfaction for what you have, and aspire for more achievement if you want.

Share your happiness with others. Be a source of happiness for others, and your own happiness will multiply. As Albert Schweitzer once said:

“Happiness is the only thing that multiplies when you share it.” — Albert Schweitzer

DO: start from your state of happiness, you’ll be inspired to take the right actions that are aligned with your values and your purpose in life. You do things that truly matter and contribute to your happiness and the happiness of people around you.

HAVE: possess objects that really matter. Objects that serve you, and serve others. Objects that you can use for a purpose, and banish from your life those objects that serve no purpose.

I’ll conclude this article with one of my favorite quotes comes from Lao Tzu:

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present” — Lao Tzu

Don’t forget! Happiness is a constant action of paying attention to what life has already given you.

Your coach, Dr. Saïd

Live Your Passion

This article was originally published on my personal blog VitaFlip.com

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