When will I be happy with myself?
I found myself this morning tapping my finger endlessly through my towns Instagram story when I saw a beautiful girl not much older than myself, and let me tell you her life looked TOTALLY put together. I then creeped on her for several minutes and I wouldn’t say that my self esteem took a tumble but, I will say that I began questioning myself and every single move I make with my life.
I spend enough time on social media to let it impact me, and I spend enough time telling myself that it hasn’t. I watch endless make-up tutorials, beauty product hauls, clothes shopping hauls, and I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t envious. I know consciously that having the right highlighter kit, the perfect kimono, or the nicest hair doesn’t make you any better than anyone else but I seem to be struggling with this right now.
Maybe I need to spend more time keeping up with trends. Maybe I need to wake up earlier and do my make-up and do my hair nicely for work. Or maybe I need to figure out a way to stop giving a f*ck again. Right now I’m just trying to figure it all out. I spend the majority of my time working my ass off and quite frankly I’m usually too stressed out to want to do anything else. Most of the money I make is spent going out with my boyfriend, paying bills, or buying my boyfriend something to make him smile.
Though I am content with my life and with how I spend my money I can’t help but wondering if I would be happier if I looked as beautiful as all of the girls I follow on Instagram or any of the girls that I’m subscribed to on Youtube. I wouldn’t say that I do much to alter who I am to be more like others, I have always strayed away from conformity. I have always prided myself on my ability to be unique and to stay unique but some days I struggle.
That has led me here. Has anyone else struggled with rebelling against conformity just to end up envious? The more and more time I spend thinking about this topic the more I feel uncomfortable in my body. If anyone has tips for how to feel more comfortable with who I am please let me know.
I know there are brighter days on the horizon and I know I need to spend more time getting to know myself everyday, I know that I need to spend time taking care of my body and caring more about the things I tend to leave at the wayside.
I will continue working on loving myself, everyday one day at a time.