Startup life: structure, predictability and positive life view.. or not?

As a startup co-founder, I wake up every morning with a terrible fear. Somehow, something inside me shadows the fear and gives me the perspective of a positive end of day, end of week, end of quarter, end of year.

And this feeling fuels my actions and shapes my logic: it is a building block which alters the way my analytical machine filters life.

I know what it is not, but I can not define what it is. It is not blind trust; not naive belief in a better world; not superstitious view that when you want something, the universe conspires with me as I had my fair share of the universe conspiring against me, statistically proven, as I keep journals and tracks of many things in my life and data does not lie or bend reality.

This fuel drives me on a path of constructing patterns for an unseen future and structures to navigate it - just like a madman in the desert who has a clear goal and target towards his mirage.

The closest word you could compare it to is faith with the nuance inclined more to trust, not the divine, religiously stated.

With this state of being, I feel a false sense of empowerment and control over my future and plan, build, promise. I construct simple predictive patterns like a program to do something this evening or end of week or a trip in the Summer or more complex ones like time management, cashflow forecast applications, startup which promises parts of the desert to others and even more audacious ones like building a life together with my wife, adopting a puppy, having children — a huge leap into the unknown.

How seem all these for someone who hasn’t this feeling for the positive end of day or of month, who can not delude him/herself that their life is in their hands? Why plan everything if you can not control anything?

By definition, I live in a schizoid framework, knowing both that life is unpredictable and still holding on the faith that I can predict it. In this moment, a software would not work anymore.

But how can one operate and put an effort into anything if (s)he does not truly believe in the possibility of the outcome? It’s like going for a ride in your car being perfectly aware you could die during the trip - would you still do it?

Beside the philosophical implications, I would like to know just what creates for you, the one reading this article, the blind, naive, arrogant faith that you can control what is to come and with this hope start putting effort for a most likely totally out of logical control outcome?

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