Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve often felt a lot of shame for my own desires, even as a woman. I’ve never raped someone, and I’ve actually been raped twice (both by ex-boyfriends). I explicitly said no and fought in both cases, and my wishes were ignored. But I didn’t blame them. I knew them, and they knew me. There is a lot of story there, which is why I’m writing my life as a novel — people need the whole story, not just opinions bandied about without context.
I really appreciate that you shared a lot of context, and your story. It makes what you say so much more understandable, relate-able.
Women can rape too. I feel that was missing in your statement. I’ve certainly made a number of boys (in my teen years, when I had yet to discover anything resembling discipline) feel quite sexually harassed. I didn’t understand how they could *not* want it! I was raised being told that all men wanted sex all the time. Oh how damaging that myth is! It made me conclude that I must be very ugly since the men I threw myself at didn’t want me. It just turned out that I was attracted to slow-moving, geeky guys who were not ready to jump in bed on the first date!
Yes. There is a lot of gray area. A lot, a lot, a lot!