Perfectionism.

Not perfection. No.That’s a one off thing. That’s the one accomplishment. A single checked box. One act or achievement sublimely enjoyed.

Not perfection.

Perfectionism is some work. It’s constant application and enduring performance. It’s waking up every single day and working at some ‘thing’ that’s some ‘times’ successful.

In the early days, it’s too vague to know what it actually is or is not. Before you’re smart enough to recognize it, Perfectionism has been hard at work planing away your notions of what our success looks like. Shaving off and smoothing down to fine sculpture of what it really means to have it right.

Aiming for perfection without wanting to ever miss. Wanting to be the best without paddling on through the way through the muck and mire of the worst. Being so afraid of not making perfection that perfectionism, rotund perfectionism — unbroken cycle of your best- is further and further from your finger tips far less your grasp every single day.

For professionals Perfectionism is as an unbroken strand of trials. Or surgeries. Or lectures and publications. Presentations. A garland for a champion who’s never got it wrong. For Perfectionsts, it is fully ripened fruit.

But what about us who’ve tasted less of championship? How do we forget the taste of defeat and worse, the bitter gall of fear that we’ll be rejected? You know the fear is worse than the actual defeat. The defeat ends and its pain wears off. The wounds heal and dignity is restored little by little. For the most part, it’s external.

The fear is a product of the mind. Its effects never wear off. It becomes more and more debilitating as time wears on. The water keeps rising and you can only tread water for that long.

Why am I hanging on to a life raft with a hole in it?