What to Do When You Feel like You Can’t Fit In
“They laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain
Since you were a child, you always felt that you were different. You didn’t really know why or how, but somehow you could just feel it. You knew from the start that you were never meant to be ‘like everyone else’.
Sometimes you would make an effort to be ‘normal’. You’ve always had a unique perspective on the world and a very different way of thinking. When you notice the world around you, you can see that you’re really not like everyone else. You think, act and live differently.
As you grow up, you start to understand how life works. You start to see that many people resent the fact that you’re different from them. You see many of your friends, family members and even teachers calling you ‘weird’ or ‘awkward’. You start to understand that most people don’t accept anyone who’s different.
You feel hurt, disappointed and you start hiding your true identity. After a while, you start to mimic other people. You try to act ‘normal’. But it doesn’t take very long for you to be uncomfortable but the moment you act like you true self people judge you, make fun of you and you feel like you’re the one who’s at fault. It’s like you feel guilty for being you.
Why does everyone seem to be against you ?
Everyone seems to always criticize you because of something called social conditioning. Here’s how Wikipedia defines it : Social conditioning is the sociological process of training individuals in a society to respond in a manner generally approved by the society.
Simply put, social conditioning means that people in society are conditioned to believe that a certain way of thinking and acting is ‘normal’. When someone acts in a way that’s different from what they were taught to perceive as being normal, most people will automatically assume that something’s wrong with you. That’s why you hear them say you’re weird or awkward.
Basically, they see you as being weird just because you don’t fit into their definition of how a normal person should be.
Now what exactly should you do ?
You know what ? Instead of trying to fit in and live a life that will make you miserable, why don’t you use your different attitude and turn it into your strength ?
If you’re different, it means that you have some kind of talent you don’t know about. Your unique way of thinking can be a sign of creativity, intelligence or wisdom. You have to find out how you can use that to your advantage and here’s how.
1. Make a clear distinction between what’s true and what someone else thinks
Someone’s opinion of you doesn’t have to be the truth. You have to understand that the reason most people see something wrong with you is because they have been conditioned to reject the difference.
The only reason why you’re not fitting in is because you think outside of the box. I think you get the picture : people’s opinions don’t equal the truth. In fact, in many cases it’s the opposite.
To do : understand the difference between what people think of you and who you really are
2. Build your character
If you’re trying to fit in then you probably lost your sense f identity over time. You’ve tried so hard to be what others wanted you that you totally lost contact with yourself.
You must build yourself up. You must develop a strong personality so that you can become grounded and firmly believe in yourself. I’m not just going to say that, here’s exactly what to do :
Develop your confidence — 6 Easy Ways to Become Confident From Scratch
Develop your self-esteem — Read The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and apply.
To do : build your personality
3. Use your uniqueness to your advantage
You have to ask yourself two important questions : “What makes me different ?” be specific. The second one is : “How can I use that difference to make my life better ?”.
Maybe you could turn it into a career, maybe you could teach people something, or even inspire others.
It’s up to you to decide. My advice is it’s better to try and do something profitable with it in the long run. Why ? It’s because it will make work a lot more fun and exciting for you. It’s really the perfect chance to use your different thinking in a productive way.
To do : come up with productive ideas that will fit your personality
4. Leave those who reject you
If you feel that you can’t fit in, it probably means that it’s not where you should be. In other words, you deserve someone who accepts you and treats you like a person. If you hang out with people who are making you feel unimportant, unwelcomed and always inferior to them, it’s time to make new friends.
However, before you attempt to do any of this, try to make them understand why you’re different and how it’s really awesome to be that way. If nothing changes, look for new people.
To do : don’t hang out with those who make you feel rejected
If you really want to live the life you deserve, you have to work for it. I’ve gathered the best advice I could give since I was in this exact same situation years ago.
This is my advice from a very bad experience, but I managed to overcome it and you can too !