How not to make Sabudana Khichdi

1. Dunk 1 cup of sabudana / sago in water till their hearts burst into fluffy balls of sponginess. Drain.
2. Collect:
   • 153 cumin seeds
   • 11 curry leaves, handpicked with 75% love and 25% perspiration
   • 27 roasted peanuts, crushed with a 5 kg dumbbell
   • Boiled potatoes, cut into 18 cubes of 5.5 mm each, with 0.2 mm bleed on all sides
3. Finely chop 1 and 3/4 green chillies into 2 mm slivers, grown in your balcony. Make sure you accidentally touch your eye. Feel the burn. But don’t give up.
4. Heat 2 tbsp oil. Sauté aforementioned ingredients till they sizzle and crackle and smell divine. 100 particles of salt, to taste.
5. Add sabudana. Remember the very important warning in every recipe ever about continuous stirring. Know deep down that this does not work.
6. Stare in horror and panic as the sabudana rebel against you, inspite of all you’ve done for them, and unite into an army stronger than you’d imagine, directly competing with the majbooti of Ambuja cement.
7. Process what’s happening while you just stand there and watch this unexplainable, inevitable, irreversible chemical reaction.
8. Gather up every pinch of courage and try not to burst into tears.
9. Eat out.

fin.