Black & White Thinking
Black and white thinking is the inability to see things in grey. The clinical term is ‘Splitting’ and is a destructive thought process that results in chaos and failed interpersonal relationships.
When a person thinks in black and white, they can only see the two extremes of a person, either they are good or they are bad. Such people can not recognize the spectrum of grey between black and white.
Individuals who are prone to black and white thinking tend to -
- See the person either as completely good or completely bad.
- Inflexible in changing minds.
- Impulsive and destructive impulsive behaviour.
- End up in paranoia as a result of not being able to process emotions in the grey side.
- Jump to conclusions without proper analysis of the situation.
These pattern of thinking leads people to not find a middle ground or compromise in any interpersonal conversations.
Evolutionary biologists believe that such thought patterns evolved in early human’s ability to survive the harsh environments through a fight or flight response.
Our minds have evolved to naturally adapt to the changes in communal and environmental safety as our species evolved. However, some individuals weren’t able to properly develop proper cognitive thinking due to either childhood trauma or neglect. Such individuals tend to have personality disorders that hamper their emotional intelligence.
Not all individuals that think in black and white have personality disorders but all individuals that have a personality disorder think in black and white.
Such people hurt them or others physically and mentally, they sabotage careers, break families and cause disruption in their relationships.
If you feel that you may have a clear pattern of such destructive patterns, let’s look at some of the ways that we can manage and improve your ability to think along the spectrum.
I would highly suggest you visit a therapist to get an accurate diagnosis of your personality. This will empower you to understand yourself in a much more analytical way.
Alternatively, you could try some of these thought exercises to see if you do respond to self-improvement -
Acknowledge the grey — Even though you do not have to agree or explore the grey side initially, try to acknowledge such a spectrum exists. You could disagree with someone with mutual respect and end conversations with a positive note. This is the first hurdle you need to jump in order to improve your thought process. Let’s look at an example -
Say a friend who has a staunch right-wing ideology bothers your liberal political stance, you could tell them that you respect their opinions even if you disagree with them wholeheartedly. Take a moment to respond as you calm yourself first and take a deep breath if necessary.
Practicing such conversational techniques will improve your interpersonal relationships with friends, family and loved ones.
Explore the grey — As you practice conversations with civility, you begin to get more empowered and confident in dealing with arguments or disagreements. This is a signal for you to take the next step in exploring the spectrum. This could be particularly hard depending on your personality type or if you have an underlying personality disorder.
I would suggest you understand your behaviours and personality type before you explore the grey areas of topics discussed between people. Let’s look at a basic thought exercise from the previous experience.
While you engage in a political conversation with your right-wing friend, you ask them if there are things that they hate about their political affiliation. Also, ask them if there are things that they like in being liberal. This gives you an opportunity to exercise a conversation without just presenting your point of view.
Such empathetic approach is quite difficult for people that are not used to considering other’s opinion. So, it’s an excellent challenge for you to practice such conversations.
Even if you find it difficult to empathize, I would suggest you practice these steps to explore the grey side of the spectrum -
- Identify the spectrum of the topic. If you feel someone is lying to you, understand there is a wide range of grey between the truth and the lie.
- Analyze the discussion or disagreement. Try to focus on the topic at hand rather than the person.
- Reflect on why you need to exercise civility.
- Evaluate if such topics are worth discussing if it affects your mental wellbeing. If someone does make you uncomfortable, let them know such discussions are causing you distress.
- Explore a person’s reasoning. Explore your reasoning.
Understand the grey — Once you get some real-time practice sessions in conversing with people that you disagree with, it’s time for you to understand the spectrum. Read about black and white thinking as much as you can. Understand why humans require to explore and understand the spectrum to be successful in interpersonal relationships.
1. Look at people that you disagree with having their own opinions and thoughts that may sometime make you uncomfortable.
2. Understand such people are not solely based on their opinions.
3. Look at people as complex individuals who can have their own opinions.
4. Try to not label them as good or bad based on their opinions.
Remember to practice these things when you converse with people to improve your emotional intelligence — Respect, civility, calmness and dignity.
Understanding the grey side of the spectrum requires you to be vulnerable. If it makes you uncomfortable being in such a position, try focusing on the discussion rather than on the person. If you feel that the discussions are affecting your self-esteem, try to step back and ask politely to change the subject. This will help you avoid escalating things into arguments.
If you do feel that you have poor interpersonal skills and feel that you have a poor history of dealing with people, feel free to send me a message for a one on one chat. Send me a message at rahimdigital.com