How to Handle Rejection with Grace
“Unfortunately, we cannot accept you at this time…”
We’ve all seen those words before. One of the first times I saw them, I stifled tears in the middle of my computer science class discussion in freshman year. Rejection sucks. It cuts deeply. It makes us feel insecure. And when we see it continuously over the course of a few months, it pervades our mind and has us believe we are worthless. But we are not. We are anything but worthless. Freshman year was far from the last time I saw those words — I read them most recently on four separate occasions last week. But I’ve moved on. When we get rejected, we pick ourselves up, and we move on. Here’s how:
Plan Ahead
When you receive a rejection, why are you emotional? Because you felt you deserved the position? Because you invested so much time and thought into the opportunity? Because you don’t know what to do now? The best way to mitigate these feelings altogether is to plan ahead.
Before you even get to this decision point, create two plans.
Your first plan — what will you do if you receive an offer? Of course you’ll be excited — your hard work paid off! But what then? What’s next?
Your second plan — the more important one — what will you do if you are rejected? You can’t just wallow in your misery and wish things had gone differently. You’re denying reality — you were not offered. This should be planned in excruciating detail. What will you do next? Where else you will you apply? What new doors will open?
I came into UC Berkeley intending to major in Business Administration. I worked for it tirelessly for over a year. I applied for the major. A few months later, I was rejected. I was surprised, but I wasn’t broken. The night before decisions were released, I had crafted two scenarios of my academic classes for the next two years. My first plan was as a Business and Computer Science double major. My second was as an Economics and Computer Science double major. When I received the rejection email, I found the second path and started walking immediately.
When you reach your decision point, you must have two plans ready for execution. When that decision arrives, you in ‘go’ mode. Put your body on autopilot, and focus your mind to…
Feel Everything
Feel the sadness. Feel the anger. Feel the desperation. Let it fuel you.
Then, ignite your fire. Take the next steps, find new opportunities, and execute your plan.
Reflect upon your rejection. Was there more you could have done? If so, what will you do differently next time? Write it down. Save it somewhere to motivate you the next time.
If you are stuck on this part, ask yourself:
- Is there something innately wrong with what you’re doing? Is there a better approach? If you’ve been struggling with rejections for quite a while, you may need to reevaluate.
- Why? What do/did you hope to gain from these opportunities? Is it genuine, with good intentions? If not, you’re likely losing out to those thinking big picture — beyond themselves.
- Are you trying to achieve what society expects from you? Or are you doing what you want — what you’re genuinely passionate about? You may be pursuing the wrong opportunities.
When you have felt all you need to feel and found your path once more, …
Think Abundance
There is enough in this world for everyone. You are not on this earth to face rejection after rejection so that others can succeed while you do not. You are better than that. You have a purpose far beyond that.
There are far more opportunities to discover, doors to open, and paths to blaze than you can even fathom. It’s exhilarating. With every rejection, you are one step closer to your next open door, your next success!
It’s out there, waiting for you. Go get it.
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Rahul Rangnekar is a junior studying Computer Science and Economics at UC Berkeley. He enjoys weightlifting, reading, and cooking. He is passionate about marketing and technology, and hopes to find a career in product management.
