I didn’t lose myself.

It’s been 87 days since you left. Damn! It’s been hell for me. But despite all that,

there’s this is the one thing that I didn’t lose
while I got swept away in a depression,
I died of a alcoholism,
I went to hell, I was seduced by my imagination.
and then strangled by anxiety,
and I had the psychic experience
of walking with you down the aisle.

My heart ripped into 1000 pieces.

Yes, I didnt lose myself.

I actually found who I am. I’m a better person now.

I never knew we’d become this strangers to each other. We were one. Although I wasn’t what you wanted or what you hoped I would be,you are still someone so important to me.

I couldn’t imagine that you’d just walk away unscaved. You could just even fake being hurt a bit. So that I could be fooled that you too loved deeply.You just snapped and walked away like a zombie who has just smelt fresh blood.You didn’t even for a second looked back.Shit! That was strong of you. I admire that. It actually took guts,energy and power to become that cold that fast.

I still miss you my dear.
I still love you.I still hope that one day we’ll have what we had again.

But I know all this feelings are BS. I know we can’t have this again. Its over. Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?Even if it leads nowhere. So I Just hope that I’ll find someone like you, who looks like a movie and sounds like a song. I know we’ll be rolling in the deep.

My goal is to show my vulnerability,to write about my lowest points,to show that heartbreaks are something that we can’t ignore. They define and build us. Adele wallowed in heartbreak but she turned out to be a great artist.So I hope that writing about my experiences will at a point help others.