The last Viking in Assisi hails from Denmark. For 11 moths of the year, he’s a friar at the San Francesco Cathedral. During August, he returns home to escape the heat. If the pope were to ever bless a faithful soul with the title of Most Stylish Catholic In The World, that prestigious award would go to the Viking. When I met him, he was dressed in brown robes. Demure? Absolutely. You might even go so far as to call it bland. But — and this is what really demonstrates the Viking’s Style Genius — he wears a sleek pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses. This is absolutely prodigious. You’re looking at this guy, sizing him up. He’s making his first impressions on you. You see his earthtone robes and don’t expect a whole lot. He seems to be a pretty boring dude. Then you see his Ray-Bans. You’re momentarily stunned. Then he speaks. “I’m the last Viking in Assisi,” he says with an accent that’s thin enough to understand, but thick enough to make it clear that he’s from far away. All of your expectations for this man are shattered into a thousand pieces. Then all of those pieces are smashed into a thousand more by a dog wielding a tiny hammer. But the fun’s just beginning!

The Viking leads you inside the church, deftly sliding his Ray-Bans onto his forehead. He shows you the frescos inside — the Four Virtues, Passion of Chirst, etc. “Obedience is the most important virtue,” he says. He tells you about his love for this cathedral’s rendering of the last supper, how it shows the ordinary people as well as the holy ones. He mentions in passing how much he hates the story of St. Francis and the birds. (More on that later.)

You go back outside, onto the upper level of the church. The sun is punishing. With a flick of the wrist, the Ray-Bans come back on. The Viking points out the living quarters used by the pope on occasion. He holds the keys. Most popes choose to stay in Assisi for a while. Pope Francis, who took his name from the cathedral’s namesake, did not. The Viking was offended. He could have at least called.

And back inside again! This time, you’re in the upper church. The Ray-Ban ritual commences. You see some great art. Chairs depicting many of the pope’s faces, Giotto frescoes telling a story about young St. Francis, and finally St. Francis and the birds. The Viking hates this one. He hates how people interpret it. Francis wasn’t helping the birds. He was preaching to them, so that they could spread the gospel further. Birds are natural preachers. They can fly and sing, spreading the word of the Lord for miles upon miles. The Viking says that he preaches to birds sometimes too. He’s worried about it now that he’s getting older, though. In Denmark, the winters are dismal. Seeing nature at all is truly a gift. Once, the Viking was overcome with joy upon seeing a flower in his yard. His neighbors saw him, and closed their blinds.

This is the last artwork in the church. You walk out the massive door into the blinding sun, and with that the tour is concluded. The Last Viking in Assisi places his Ray-Ban brand sunglasses over his eyes. He puts in his headphones, and turns up his favorite Alabama Shakes song. He goes back to his room, and waits for the pope to call him.

Thanks to Josh Yarden for the header image.