The 7 commandments of TV watching

All set, after a long day of work , finally with <INSERT beverage/food of choice> when you curl up to surf your companion box(read TV) all you want to do is revel in the sheer joy of watching those good old sitcoms, movies or catching up on a good game.

Inevitably,whenever I sit down to watch TV, I end up having company, be it the extra large family gatherings, the friends sleepover, the cousins get togethers, even while watching TV at a restaurant, interestingly I found the patterns of most of my “co- TV watchers” to be recurring.

Here are 7 kinds of people who’s behaviour is so annoying that if we were in the biblical times, they’d have a commandment for each of them.

1.Talking Tom

These are the ones who just cannot stop talking — work talk, boyfriend/girlfriend talk, lifestyle,their new gym routine, life lessons, world wide gossip,that spa trip, the wanderlust bug that bit them, the striking resemblance between their pet and the TV commercial dog, they will power through anything, literally!

Commandment 1: Thou shall pause for breath every now and then.

2. The Nerd

The Sheldon Cooper of your gang. They’ve read the books, they can talk at length about animation, C.G.I. They geek out on the physics, chemistry, biology of all sci-fi movies, the backstory of every remotely scientific prop, ballistics, bullets and the list is endless. Don’t spoil the Dark Knight trilogy, am sure Nolan thought it through.

Commandment 2: Thou shall face the wrath of over-analysis.

3. “Did you know he was a ghost all along?”

These guys , as the Joker would say, are “ahead of the curve”. They have watched the show or have already read the books and can’t wait to spoil it for you. The characteristic trait -they will nag you and will not stop until you plead them to tell you. All you guys who spoilt G.O.T for me, you shall pay for this, next season.

Commandment 3: As Thou shall sow, so Thou shall reap.

4. The Nitpickers

“Seriously? You still watch Modern Family?”

“Why would you not stop watching these chick sitcoms?”

“Why is that he doing that?”

“Eew, this is such explicit content!”

“You still believe there is a “League of Shadows?”

“Why would they get such a good player to sit on the bench?”(the players cant hear you, so please stop shouting at the TV)

I have only one question for you guys, where do you find giant sugar cubes for that high horse of your’s?They cannot stop judging your choices in TV, the people in the TV and Oh! the people behind the show too.

Commandment 4: Thou shall build a stable for your high horse.

5. Pssst …Its just a show!

“Oh! what a beautiful poem!!” (Clap Clap)

“They finally get married,thats the wedding dress I always wanted, now that is called a proposal.” (Sob Sob)

“No way, how can he cheat on her???”(*seething rage and the Hulk transformation is complete)

“Its just like my life!” (sudden “on the spot” life and self analysis)

Oh relax, it is a TV show! Somehow, there seems to be some uncanny resemblance to an ex/pet/ childhood memory, they start drawing random parallels to their own lives and is promptly followed by a long monologue.

P.S. I belong to this category.

Commandment 5: Thou shall always get your own box of tissues.

6. The Oracle

“I’m so sure it’s her, Daenerys totally is the one. Do you think so too?”

“Do you think they get married? I don’t think so, for what he did in season 4, he never has a chance.”

“Look at the line up, these guys will win, let’s put money on this game.”

“Burn!!! I told you, these guys would never ever make it.”

Dear predictors, did you see this article coming? <*winkwink*>

Commandment 6: Thou shall only make predictions if and only if it involves substantial money as bets.

7. FOMO Incarnate

These are the worst, especially if you are stuck at a family gathering — bail out ASAP. Workaholics, loo breaks, short reads/games on Ipad , texting, small talk, gossiping and almost everything else other than watching TV.

They end up missing out the best parts.Will beat you to tell them all that happened, including references to previous seasons/episodes/book/old version, “your analysis”, an impromptu FAQ session — especially during the most important scenes.

Commandment 7: Thou shall say it with me “This too shall pass”.

If thou were found guilty of any of the above commandments, thou shall share and like.