Image source — Pexels

I am fantastic at imagining stuff. When I was a kid, around seven years old, our pet dog Maxi got a maggot infested wound. We noticed the wound rather late when it really got swollen and when we took him to a vet, his condition was quite severe. …

Source: Pexels

He wasn’t supposed to think of her. Nope. All the self help of the world strictly told him so. Not especially after it had been like five months. He was supposed to move on. Keep busy and work on himself and be the best version of himself. That was what any sane person was expected to be doing after whatever happened.

Sane.

Sane. That’s the word, right there.

If he were sane, he wouldn’t have fallen for her. If he had any sanity, he wouldn’t still have a photographic image of what she wore the first day his eyes met hers.

An orange top and black faded jeans.

Recently I’ve been feeling awful and empty in the stomach. It might have to do a lot with failures in my personal life but the feeling is quite strong.

At times when I’m forcing myself to get better at the things I failed at, I get this eerie feeling that I’m very afraid of.

I get this feeling that I’m playing in an empty stadium. All alone, by myself. There is no one to watch my progress or anyone to appreciate it. They’ve all gone home and I’m the only one trying to get better at something which they’ve all done ages ago and left.

The feeling is so intense that it makes me run away from whatever I’m doing and the only way I am able to escape this is by watching mindless comedy videos on YouTube.

Anyone else experience anything similar?

In the recent times I’m feeling a lack of interest in almost everything (including writing for 100 naked words everyday, I’m guilty of breaking the vow of writing everyday) and I got hold of a book called — The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

In that book I read about an interesting paradoxical theory called the backwards law by a philosopher called Alan Watts which states that the more we pursue feeling better all the time, the more we end up being dissatisfied. This is because pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.

Isn’t that an amazing way to look at things!

Rajat Agarwal

Blogger, aspiring author, former web entrepreneur, amateur musician, user experience consultant, traveler.

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