Forgiveness : A silent companion

Jenny wants to part from her memories. Memories have not been an enjoyable companion for her since past few months. Post breakup phase could not be bitter for her. It started reflecting not only on Jenny’s physical and mental health, but on her ethical wellbeing also. She does not feel good about Mark dating other girls and having a good time, while she is trying hard to forget her good past. Is it the Love she had for Mark or the hatred she has been developing for him, which is making Jenny suffer?

Memories create chaos

Memories are not a silent companion. Very often, they can make your past seem as real as your present. Psychosomatic interaction between mind and body can reproduce real physical effects out of virtually stored pieces, creating a simulation of past. Moreover, mind is capable of using those memories to create its own story, different from real story of the past, which depends on mood, attitude and mental wellbeing of a person. Memories are just a matter of storage for the brain, however they being good or bad makes a huge difference to your present life.

How come the moments spent together with Mark made Jenny fly high when they were in a relationship, and why those moments only have shattered Jenny now? It is the same set of snaps of moments she lived with Mark, leaving different impressions. What has changed in real time which caused mind fabricating a new story out of it?

What is the pyschology that is going underneath?

Nobody can escape these forces

How much a memory lasts depends on how passionately one has lived the moment, rather than how focused one was at the moment. Leave the people aside with exceptional observation power, some forces are capable of getting general masses also into the moment. They definitely create long lasting memories.

Let’s dive deep into the forces that create memories. For a healthy person, his/her sensory system is always active throughout the lifecycle. But we don’t remember everything sensed. Or do we? Which memories last and what factors are going to decide how collected memories should turn up in different phases of life, depends on the forces underneath.

First of those forces is Love. It is transaction of utter care which in its extreme may make you feel owner of the person you are in love with. A crash of ego between two lovers is responsible for creating all these memories of love. One can create pleasant memories while in love. The earth is round, absence of love would be reflected badly in future. It is like an addiction. If not addicted, all is good. But once addicted it becomes a requirement or one has to face a hard time to get rid of that. (Refer to Scott Peck’s The Road less travelled to read more on love).

Then comes Achievement. The very feeling of achievement feeds one’s ego. Ego is identity and there is no uniqueness without an identity. Moreover, with age it becomes a necessity for mental well -being. The memories linked to achievements are capable of fueling one’s nerves with hope. Hope if not converted into results for a long course of time, may prove to be poisonous enough to ruin one’s integrity towards work.

Relationship- no relationship, Knowledge-Ignorance, Recognition- no recognition etc. are examples of some among many other existing pair of forces. The degree of intensity depends on Controllership given by the force.

On control

Absence of light is going to affect those more who have sensed presence of light than those who have not. Some forces create long lasting memories. It’s always a pair of forces. Absence of one is presence of other. The memories created in presence of those forces and absence of those forces can create equally intense but opposite effects.

We are surrounded by at least one force every moment. There are many forces around us carrying different degrees of controllership. Absence of one force is presence of its counterpart. One of them carries certain degree of controllership and other does not. That makes us live in a mess of forces, where one has to live sane with all the instabilities of presence of those forces. What can get us out of all this chaos? When we lose controllership, how we can retrieve our sanity?

Forgiveness — A silent companion

There is a science behind inefficiency. Inefficient system has to die. What is the biggest inefficiency in theory of control system? Forgiveness. You forgive someone for mistakes, again and again, the person will continue making mistakes and you lose desire of your controllership over that person in the end. Kill the desire of control with forgiveness and there would be no presence or absence of forces.

Jenny should forgive Mark, for all the choices he is making without consulting her. She should forgive him for all the choices he is making against her will. This way she will be able to dilute the memories and will be able to move on. Forgiveness, a state of mind, indifferent to the forces potent enough to devastate a life, should be practiced, throughout the life.