Fighting is Critical to Startup Success
Originally posted on October 21, 2014
There are two types of cofounders:
- Those that “fight”
- Those that fight, and are no longer cofounders
So what’s the difference between a “fight” and a fight?
A “fight” is constructive and happens in a controlled environment. I believe “fighting” is critical to the well being of any relationship, especially among cofounders.
This post is about my first fight with my cofounder Sanket, what we learned from it, and how we try to foster a culture of “fighting” without fighting.
The Fight
The following took place at 7pm on a cold Friday in March:
We were meeting with our prospective technical cofounder to have a product roadmap brainstorming session. If he was going to be a cofounder, we wanted his input and ultimately his buy-in into the company vision.
Thirty minutes into the session, Sanket and I disagreed on the different ways we wanted to allow users to discover the things they would use our app to plan. Sanket thought it should be a more active approach, and I favored the passive approach. Now, this was nothing unusual since we encouraged each other to be vocal. However, this time around was different; there was a third person in the room with an opinion. He agreed with the passive approach, and by default, instantly created a 2–1 majority.
Since we never had a real fight, we also did not have the right process in place to resolve it. This caused us to quickly abandon constructive vocalization and instead entrench into our preexisting positions, unwilling to compromise. It was either active or passive. Lines had been drawn. This just further worsened our situation, and we ended up calling off the meeting just ninety minutes into it.
Knowing that we needed to resolve our disagreements before the weekend, we decided to make the half mile journey to the local Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen, where in addition to everything, we had to sit outside in sub-40 degree weather. But we were determined. And three hours, two beers, a whiskey, and a near run-in with frostbite later, we had dissected the reasons behind our fight and talked about how we would avoid future disputes by fostering a culture of “fighting” without fighting.
The Aftermath
The following is a summary of our conversation, and some lessons I’ve learned over the past several months.
“Fighting” constructively (in a controlled environment) is a good thing.
- It gets issues out in the open, which generally allows for quicker resolution.
- It reinforces positive work and builds confidence. That is, I know there will be a “fight” over bad work product. There is no “fight”, therefore my work product must be good!
- Finally it creates better solutions and shapes the company vision. Think about tectonic plates. When they collide, they create mountains. The same way, when cofounders “collide”, they create great ideas and great companies.
Alternatively, fighting deconstructively (in an uncontrolled environment) is a bad thing.
- It results in cofounders tying emotions to their decisions, and thus entrenching into their positions even further.
- It spirals into personal attacks and hurt feelings.
- Finally it leads to frustration and a growing rift between the cofounders.
So “fighting” is good, and fighting is bad. The difference between them is having a controlled environment. So how do we foster the right environment to encourage “fighting” without fighting?
Articulate ideas, not positions. It’s important to defend ideas, not entrench into positions. Because once you’ve taken a position, it’s black or white. Your solution or his solution. Articulating ideas, on the other hand, can result in finding a different position that is inclusive of both your ideas.
Constructive “fighting”: defend ideas
Deconstructive fighting: defend positions
Trust in each other’s domain expertise. It’s important to clearly define each cofounder’s domain expertise. And when you debate, remember who’s the domain expert. For instance, if it’s a technical debate, the technical cofounder is the “authority” on the issue. It’s still important for team members to challenge the “authority”, but valuing and trusting his perspective as the domain expert produces better results.
Constructive “fighting”: trust each other’s domain expertise
Deconstructive fighting: constantly doubt each other
Remove emotional decision making. This one is difficult, but remove emotional attachment from decision making and stay objective. This will let you move past individual desire and make decisions that are in the best interest of the company. It’ll also make you more willing to hear out your cofounder and come to compromise.
Constructive “fighting”: remove emotional decision making
Deconstructive fighting: emotional decisions as wins / losses
Understand that there is a time and place for “fighting”. Having the right environment means having the right time and place. Keep in mind who’s around you and who’s listening. Also, keep in mind the mood of your cofounder. Even the noblest cofounder can turn into a fighter if he’s having a bad day.
Constructive “fighting” : knowing when and where to “fight”
Deconstructive fighting: fight whenever and wherever you disagree
Trust that your cofounder will “fight”, not fight. Don’t be afraid to “fight” because you think your cofounder will not behave in the same way. Trust in each other and trust in the culture you’ve created to encourage “fighting”.
Constructive “fighting”: don’t be afraid to “fight”; trust in your culture
Deconstructive fighting: keep things to yourself and let them stew
Resolve disputes before leaving. Simple, but possibly the most important. Never go to sleep angry. Feelings have a habit of twisting and turning the longer they stew in your mind. Better to resolve them before they get worse.
Constructive “fighting”: resolve a “fight” as soon as possible
Deconstructive fighting: dispute stews until convenient to resolve
The difference between fighting and “fighting” is that one is done in a controlled environment (“fighting”) and is critically good, while the other (fighting) is done in an uncontrolled environment and is critically bad. Having the right environment to foster “fighting” is thus a life or death issue for most startups.
It took us having our first fight to realize the importance of having a culture of “fighting” without fighting. I’m hoping the tips above can help you arrive at the same conclusion in a shorter time.
You can get more info about me on my LinkedIn page and about my company Fête on our preview website. Be sure to sign up at the bottom to hear about our launch!
