Obsession (Some More Personal Ranting)
Sometimes, it might be better to remain in the dark. For the last week or so things were not very good with me personally; never had I slept so terribly, and never had my brain been thinking about one thing for so long.
To be honest, I feel tired right now, physically speaking, but my brain remained in overdrive so I have not been able to sleep. I fear if I don’t come to here and express my anxiety in this place I shall have a nervous breakdown or something. I know this is not healthy, obsessing over this one matter when there are other more important matters immediately ahead, such as an exam coming up days instead of weeks later.
The problem is, the matter my mind kept thinking and concentrating on possesses so great a ramification that it is impossible to bring my puny little brain around not to think about it, and it is all because of one enquiry I made about a personal project of mine.
“What’s the latest news about my project?” I asked about a week ago.
“We shall have a meeting at the end of this month, and we will provide you with details of an action plan,” answered the person who reviewed my project proposal.
That was a Pandora’s Box. And for once, I regret asking the question, because what good news it brought was completely overshadowed by the side effects that accompanied with the good news. I finally hear the sound of progress, but now I have a lot more to think about the project itself — What are other people’s comment about my project? What can I do to prepare myself for the upcoming meeting? Originally I have been worrying about the project being forgotten — Something I can do about by asking people “is there any news?”, now I worry about people’s opinions about the project — Something I can’t do a thing about, and something that should not have make my brain becoming so obsessed about the project itself.
But it has become glued to it, and whenever my brain starts to roll and needless worries begins popping up all over the place, my stomach simply fills with butterflies and I can only eat little and sleep little. For almost a week I have been sleeping late because my brain only allows me to sleep until it had tired itself out with thinking, like a car stopping only because it had run out of petrol.
I am worried about this, there are still two weeks to go and I am already wearing myself out. How can I get through another 14 days of unwilling obsession?
