How to have a great relationship

Raluca Nedelcu
Sep 1, 2017 · 5 min read

I noticed in these days that most people who seem to have a success mostly in business area and who look like gods of something they master very well, when I got closer to them, to their personal life…well things are different. Many of them seem to sacrifice something to get on the top.

At first I thought they have the key to success in life on all areas. Just that it was not like that.

Getting closer to them I saw that they wear a mask, and that the image they show to others is the only thing they have. They fight to keep that image, especially for them, who would they be without that image?

An ordinary human?

Well, I think that would be the most of what they can be…

Until 27 I also had this fight with me, I wanted to be someone, to be seen strong and successful by others, to show them who I am. In all this time I had plenty moments of sadness, anxiety, not feeling worthy…I was showing something else, even to myself.

The hardest thing is to be truth to yourself.

Until something happened. The only thing that I thought I have and that things are going great was my relationship that had cracked.

It was supposed to get married with him, we believed in forever. When I heard those words: “I want to be alone” I felt like my universe is going down….who am I? What I will do?

Until then I thought he is my model in life and that he is my Zeus :) Nothing wrong in that right?

Well this was the thing that lead me to the situation of breaking up. Yes, because I thought that he is stronger than me, smarter than me, had a better job than me, so that meant I had to just follow him, giving up on my power.

Thinking that I am worthless I thought that when he will be in the top of success I will be behind him, but never ever in my life I was thinking that I can do something in life too.

After this breakup my life turned in an amazing way…I have suffered, cried a lot, for the first time in my life I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of others, cause I couldn’t hide it anymore.

Just that in all this tragedy, I felt my soul alive.

That gave me power to go day after day, step by step in the journey to my true self, to my inner strength.

My lesson in that year was to find myself, to see who am I, to find my power and leave something behind.

In the relationship I didn’t had the courage to be authentic, my fear was not to lose the one I Iove. Guess what? That was the exact thing that had happened.

I never said to him what my fears are, what I think, what I want…nothing…not even had my own dream… I was using us instead of I. That is a big trap, cause I was waiting for him in exchange of that, to guide me, to take care of me, of my life, my needs. Only that, when his mother died and he didn’t had resources to give me…I couldn’t be able to understand the situation and I was angry on him: “why you don’t give me all of you anymore?”

I was suffering, he was suffering, but none of us had the courage to talk about what we really feel and what we want for fear of not losing the other.

So I learned a precious lesson: to be true to myself, to have the courage to be vulnerable, to speak about my feelings and my desires and most of all to believe in me, in my inner strength.

That’s why I encourage all of you: do not be scared to show your feelings, your emotions, in fact these are the things that helps you to connect.

Most people at all ages confront with problems in their love relationships and other kind of relationships, even they succeeded on other plans.

The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself

I think that you must start from there and ask: what is the stage of this relationship? Am I happy with me? What did I did for me today? How can I be a better company for myself? Start to know and love yourself, explore all the feelings and then you will not be afraid to show the real you to the world.

And when you will do this guess what? You will see that there are lots of people like you and you will love them and connect with them.

So what if you feel insecure? Share this with someone known or unknown.

So what if you feel ugly? Share this and you will be amazed to see that the people you think that are beautiful are experimenting the same feelings.

So what if you are not an expert as you pretend? Share this and people will connect with you, they will open their hearts and they will also share their vulnerabilities.

We don’t connect with others because we think that they are perfect: they have a nice job, they have a nice family, they have lots of money. But we don’t know them, we see only a little image of them, there are people with vulnerabilities too, and this is great, this is what makes us humans: the ability to have feelings of all sorts.

I am still working on this too, I still have issues on being vulnerable in front of others, but I experiment this with closed friends first and that helps me.

I wanted to share this with you, to know that you are not the only one who is insecure, who has fears and vulnerabilities.

One of my weakness is that I have moments when I don’t feel important in the relationship, in life, at the job, I feel worthless.

What is your weakness? Share this with me, with us and let’s see what we can do about it? :)

See you soon,

Ralu

Photo credit: flickr.com

Raluca Nedelcu

Written by

Passionate about life, people, traveler in the mysteries of mind and soul

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