Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone: Embracing Vulnerability and Befriending the Fear of Being Seen
For many, posting content online seems simple and effortless. But for me, writing that very first post has been triggering and felt like an emotional marathon that took years to complete. Every time I was asked for my socials, or whether I post any content my answer was that I did not own any or that I wasn’t active due to a lack of motivation, time, and/or energy. I enjoyed being a passive follower. This was the story I told myself and kept repeating, but in fact, it was quite far from the truth. I secretly admired and envied blogposts, websites and profiles from friends, family, celebrities, and strangers who posted about themselves in a way that felt so natural, vulnerable, and authentic. I often wondered, how can they do that and not me?
The Fear that Held Me Back:
Deep down, the truth was that I was scared. Scared as if my life was at stake. The mere thought of making a post generated anxiety. I was scared to be seen, scared to be heard, scared to be judged, scared to be criticized, scared to be hurt, and ultimately scared of not being loved. Why so much fear, you would ask? This fear mainly came from family/ancestors, cultural, and social conditioning, and I just kept watering these fears, allowing them to bloom like a flower. I could have chosen to not post anything online, or only show my “bright” side like I used to do on Facebook a decade ago, or just continue to remain passive. However, this no longer resonates with me, as I start to feel that my desires are as big as my fears.
Unraveling the Fear:
In the last decade, there have been so many times where I made the mindful intention of befriending and overcoming my fear of being seen, yet this wasn’t enough. The shell I had built around my heart was so strong and blocking me from doing it. As a black woman and minority, I often stood out because I was the only or one of the only ones in the spaces I grew up, lived, and evolved in, making it quite challenging to hide. It was then that I decided I would support those around me to be seen and heard in their wholeness, especially the underrepresented minorities. I did that for others, yet I couldn’t do it for myself. How sad, you would think.
A Journey of Healing and Transformation:
Seven years ago, my life took a big turn when I got pregnant with my first child, and I embarked on a healing journey. Four years later, with the birth of my second child, all the masks I had been wearing in this life were ready to fall off, one after the other. Fears and insecurities were and are still there, but not as loud as before. I first learned that all of them are valid and that they were, and are, there to protect me. I learned that the intention isn’t to get rid of them, but to befriend them, and the only way to do that is to face my shadows. As challenging and painful as this journey has been, it has been transformative, liberating, and healing.
Embracing Authenticity:
Today is the day that I take that leap to fully step out of my comfort zone and befriend my biggest fear. The one that makes my heart race and my body go into flight or freeze mode. Listening to the wisdom of my body has been my biggest medicine, helping me witness and feel this fear with deep gratitude, love, and compassion for protecting me all these years. This allowed that energy to soften and let most of it flow out of my body. I am deeply grateful for myself, my family, ancestors, friends, the divine, Mother Earth for her holding, and for every experiences, souls, beings, guides, coaches, mentors, and resources that the universe has brought onto my path.
Stepping into the Unknown:
My mantra for posting contents is allowing my heart to be my compass and letting its voice be heard whenever it compels me to share it. I trust in its expansion and give myself permission to express myself on this platform in my full authenticity and vulnerability, light and shadow. It is time for a new chapter, time for me to step out of the shadow and shine in the light. It does sounds exciting, and scary too, and that’s ok, I will do it anyway as it feels so liberating. Will you also take the leap and join me on this magical journey?
Stepping out of my comfort zone and befriending my fears is a transformative experience, one of a lifetime. It’s a journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth. It is not about looking, sounding nor pretending to be perfect or someone I am not, it is all about being, being who I came here to be in all my fullness. I invite you to join me on this magical journey of authenticity and vulnerability. My deepest wish is that we, spiritual beings having a human experience, support one other as we navigate the unknown and express ourselves in our truest forms, this is the inspiration I hope to create with my blogposts. Together, we can create a world where love, unity, acceptance, and understanding thrive.
Much love and gratitude to you for reading my story,
Rama
