My 10-day Silent Meditation Vipassana Journey 🧡
This is a peak into the methodology and my journey ✨
Brief bullets on Vipassana (Read this):
Context: Vipassana is an Indian meditation technique from 2500 years ago rediscovered by Gotama Buddha
Since then, S.N Goenka (in Burma) in the 60s began professionalizing the teachings.
This is now practiced in 240 centers across the Americas, Europe, Asia and Africa.
The practice is one of self-purification through self-observation.
10-Day Retreats: In a nutshell, you live in a camp somewhere beautiful with a bunch of other meditators for 10 days in silence, no cellphones, no talking, no instruments, music or writing. (I was in the Bay area, the largest one outside of India) No-frills accommodation. 12 hours of daily meditation. You live by their rules.
Meditation Technique: Sit cross-legged with closed eyes and observe your breath. Do nothing else. 🧘♀If your mind wanders, observe it has wandered, and come back to your breath. Observe your bodily sensations. See reality exactly as it is happening and let it go. Do nothing, keep coming back to your breath.
The big ‘Aha’: The most important thing I realized was that the deep source of human suffering lies in the patterns of our own minds. In this retreat environment where you have no tools or distractions to rely on, through the observation of our breath, our own mind and the sensations of our body (pleasant and unpleasant), we train ourselves to be equanimous (i.e. objective), and learn the impermanence of life as every single sensation we observe arrives and departs.
Why: Seems so simple. It’s not something you can intellectualize after you hear someone talk about it. You have to experience it for real impact. That’s what Buddha said, and that’s what millions have done. Yuval Noah Hariri, author of the book Sapiens sings his praise for Vipassana. From Jack Dorsey to Emperor Ashoka, you hear of this technique as a tool for transformation.
Benefits You’ll Experience: Mental reset, clarity of thought, equanimity of mind, a framework to deal with positive and negative intrusions in life. My friend, does a good job describing the biochemistry in his post. A few days out of the camp, and I am experiencing sharp abilities to focus, high sensitivity to all senses, and a calm strength about life.
Raw Thought Journal
Day 0 — First they feed us, and then comes the slaughter.
First thought — this feels cult-like! Got there with my rideshare, campsite was fairly remote, rainy, check in process was fine, settled into my room, very simple, location was beautiful. Wondering if I should’ve taken a fancy beach vacation instead. (Update: I’m taking that fancy beach vacation anyway 9 months later :) )Went to dinner hall for our last supper before “NOBLE SILENCE” was initiated. Nervous energy masked in a spirit of positivity overall in the room. Thankfully we kept our mouths busy so the chatter faded. By 8:00 pm, the judgmental patterns arose in my head. The questions people were asking the teacher sounded silly, I found the silence silly, and I was starting to guess which of my roommates would break silence and talk first. Only a 1 hour sitting on day 0, they want to ease us into it. But wow my ankles and back were throbbing. Ten more days of this brutality!
Butternut squash soup, salad, garlic toast. Yum. At least the food was excellent. My mom would love this.
Day 1 — Everyone Else
Insane distractions during the first day of sittings. 5 to 10 new thoughts per minute. Extremely restless, constantly changing my seated position. Distracted by people’s meditation cushions and unique blankets and seats. How was their meditation going? Was mine the same? Everyone in my life appeared before me: family, friends, everyone. What I would say about why I’m here. The rational argument was easy for me but I was yet to fathom what it meant. The evening discourse by Goenka called it a “surgical operation of the mind”— yikes! Lights out.
Veggie pasta and salad. Nice.
Day 2 — Is that the corner?
Stepping out of the meditation hall after the first 3-hour morning meditation block, I was happy to be welcomed by the great outdoors. And it was great. It was big, and it was vibrant. Sunrise. The sky was so beautifully curtained by forest cover remarkably defined by California redwood (the tallest tree on the planet). My walk back home after lunch was also more peaceful. I was noticing the little things too, the different white, red, brown and black mushrooms growing, the amazingly perfect glass drops of water on the grass. The field felt so wild. Everything was growing at random, all kinds of flowers and twigs haphazard, yet in supreme harmony. The discourse was my favorite part. Vipassana teaches the eradication of human suffering caused by three poisons: craving, aversion and ignorance. Every thought you have is either of one of the past or the future and generally related to one of those 3 evils. We typically waste a present moment stuck in either of those time dimensions rather than just being. (Alan Watts’ work on the relationship between freedom, love and fear).
Chickpea and veggie stew with rice and potatoes and broccoli, and salad. Tasty.
Day 3 — How have three full days passed? All I have done is breathe!
Akin to the chaos in my head on days 0–3, the weather was gloomy, almost a constant drizzle. When I saw small slivers of sunlight, I went chasing around the grounds. Every time I found the sun, it shone brighter. Thoughts were getting vivid. Memory of the prior 3 days was sharpening too. I am not in regular life able to recall our days like this with such specificity. Impressive. Again, loved the discourse. We are here to obtain the tools to be able to see the universal truth within us. I even felt a psychosomatic openness in my hips. Practiced Anapana (precursor to Vipassana) to help sharpen the mind for 3 days. We kept our attention focused on the breath in the space between our nostrils and upper lip for 12 hours. This is serious work, not a “philosophical entertainment” Goenka said.
Apple pie, zucchini stew, collard greens. Hell yeah.
Day 4 — Happy Vipassana day! First taste of bliss.
A glorious sunny day and the introduction of the main technique of Vipassana. This day felt like a song to me. Thoughts = quiet, clear, specific. I thought about everything
Relationships — Are they current? What am I healing from?
Professional Pursuits — Why do I love it? What do I want to learn? Where do I want to grow?
Family — What does being a daughter mean to me? Or a sibling, cousin, parent or grandparent?
Motivation — What has driven me so far in life?
Life Well Lived — Define what living a good life means to me.
Mutual Support — Who will be in the ecosystem that will enable this mission?
After morning meditation and lunch, I felt ALIVE. Even almost hugged a tree. This is what I looked like to myself.
Discourse was excellent. We started getting some practical frameworks to organize all this hard work! The journey we’re on is one of Sila — Samadi — Panna. To understand impermanence (anicca), one must follow strictly and diligently the Eightfold Noble Path, which is divided into the three groups of sila, samadhi and panna- morality, concentration and wisdom. Sila or virtuous living is the basis for samadhi (control of the mind, leading to one-pointedness). It is only when samadhi is good that one can develop panna. Therefore, sila and samadhi are the prerequisites for panna.
As for whether this is for me? Day 4, feeling great, so far, this place has reinforced some very simple, foundational lessons in the way of life and shown me that we are constantly shifting between states.
In between meditations, I was crafting conversations in my head to people in my life, started a running to do list, things I will commit to exploring for myself, and a 2024–2025 “make me proud” list. Prathna’s productive soul was being nurtured, the beast was thriving!
Day 5 — Patiently, Ardently, Diligently and You Will Succeed.
By day 5, we were starting to hear Goenka’s chants so many times — “Practice patiently, ardently, scrupulously diligently. Consistency is the key to success.” It was funny, but a good anchor. Picked up some beautiful copper leaves and conceptualized an art piece I would create at home. The focus was now on body sensations, no longer on breathing. Focus on every single little body part one at a time from head to toe, and examine until you can feel a bodily sensation there. Every single part of your body gives off a sensation. There is no way we experience this in our day to day lives. We just don’t exist with that level of sharpened focus. So it was very cool to feel. The observing our breath work we’ve done over the past 5 days, allowed me to start feeling distant tinglings under even the most remote body parts. This was going to be a new challenge to focus on, great! Explored and defined what music means to me. Crafted some experiments I would run. I was happy with this day.
Felt like if I had to leave today, I would be happy. But let’s see, clearly I was trying hard to keep my mind occupied.
Ended the day with an understanding after the discourse — our body constantly generates Sankharas. Those can be positive (wanting something) or negative (disliking something). And your mind is constantly battling/chasing these sankharas (Eg: I want to earn this much money by this age, or I dislike this person because they wronged me for these reasons). So when sitting for 12 hours observing our body sensations, we may at one time experience great pain-free vibrations, and some moments of gross, deep and solidified sensations. The practice of Vipassana teaches us to observe the sensations objectively, not labelling them as good or bad, but observe them, and watch them fade with time. From painful daggers in my legs to feeling like I was flying and back to pain after not being allowed to move during a 60 minute sitting, I was starting to understand what was being taught here. But regardless, we couldn’t get attached to the outcome.
Burritos and Oatmeal cookies! Surely i was being rewarded for my hard work! I took 3 cookies and basked in the sun proud of myself.
Day 6 — Pain
This aftermath of some of that work hit hard. The body sensations were gross. There was no flying, there was no bliss. I felt gut wrenching pain from deep in my body coming out with tears that wouldn’t stop today. After what was shaping up to be one of the worst days of my life, I stepped out after a 2.5 hour meditation and felt there was a God! Beautiful notes of my favorite color (pink) stroked the sky, and how lucky I felt to have caught it for the last 5 minutes before sunset. The discourse deepend my understanding of what was happening to me. The more you objectively observe your present sankharas, the more your body starts to rid itself of its past sankharas (miseries). But the more you engage your current sankharas, the more they will multiply. The purification process had commenced.
Earlier in the day I questioned, and I was angry:
"So is it just about optimism and how you look at things objectively?
What about the conscious actions you have to take to build the life you chose.
What about all the hard work?"
Goenka's discourse at the end of the day answered this question with a
simple story.
Three sons given 10 Rs each asked to go buy oil by their mom.
First son dropped the bottle on the way home, came back crying because he
lost half the oil.
Second son dropped the bottle, came back celebrating because he saved
half the oil.
Third son dropped the bottle, came back celebrating because he saved half
the oil and determined to work in the evening to earn 5 Rs to buy some new oil.
Buddha said that Dhamma is not just about optimism. It is also about hard workDay 7 — Meditative Rest
Everything is impermanent. The deep positive emotions. The deep pain you feel. Mental or physical.
I stayed objective and attentive. I didn’t feed my thirst for solutioning.
I felt the deep pain in my legs disappear, and felt my brain ease.
Day 8 — Meditative Rest
It made sense.
Vegetable Gumbo. Have never heard that word in my life, but oh so delicious!
Day 9 — Meditative Rest
More rest for the body and mind. Strong vibrations in body parts. I was starting to enjoy it.
I repurposed the mental pain from day 6, as love, and liberated myself.
Mac and cheese!
Day 10 — Matta
On the last day after our final meditation of Matta (Loving & Kindness meditation), my neighbour and I shared a deep hug after 10 days of silent energy exchange. I wanted to know her.
It was then that I felt a rushing sense of my calling in life. This is a first articulation of that purpose:
Lift others so we can laugh together, do this by healing yourself.
Veggie burgers and chocolate cookies. Oh I see what’s happening here!
Day 11 — The World is Ready for Me ✨
Some of the richest conversations with some of the smartest people I’ve met in my life over the last 2 days after Noble Silence was broken. I got to know my meditation neighbor, very deeply, and now a lifelong friend. There were a few others I specifically wanted to know, and some others I am glad I accidentally got to talking with. First timers, six-timers, ten-timers. Students, executives, artists, technologists. Deeply introspective and highly accomplished individuals all committed to self-discovery and growth.
Concluding Thoughts
So Why Did I Choose To Do This?
At the start of 2023 I started my spiritual journey. More intentionally than before.
→ I have been visiting the Othership regularly in Toronto, and consider it a restful haven for me in the city where I can escape distractions for two hours, challenge myself and focus on my thoughts.
→ Over the year, I encountered at random at least 10 different people in my startup and investor / social / wellness circles mentioning their experience with Vipassana to me.
→ I felt like I was insanely aware of myself all year, and as a way to wrap 2023, it felt like a great challenge to see what 10x-ing that awareness would be like. It was all so perfectly fitting.
Will I Go Again?
Yes.
No question about it. This is just a raw taste of the person you can become. And the feeling of accomplishment is strong.
The silence was unparalleled to anything else I’ve experienced in my life.
During the 2 days after we commenced “Noble Speech”, I learned how much I still had to learn about meditation. For one, coming in with objectives and doing a time allocation chart in your head between medidations is hilarious. I would focus on the technique so much more now that I know it. I would stop hunting for sensations and let them find me. I would bring a hot water bag with me. I would try it in a place with natural water. And I would probably not do it in a rainy season.
What’s Next?
I will continue to strive to achieve that level of clarity in thought in my regular life. Hard. Very hard.
You keep up the practice. Continuity is the only way to further yourself on this path.
Every time you meditate you will gain more insight about yourself — anything, big or small. That is a successful meditation — 5 minutes or 12 hours.
And I will have to keep observing and keep learning and putting in the hard work, because to me right now, there isn’t a clearer purpose than that.
I’ll keep talking about it with those willing. They say that the best form of Dana (generosity) is giving Dhamma and I cannot imagine living my life keeping these secrets all to myself. And to address my prior cult question, consider me oriented. 😌
Instagram: @prathnar
