I haven’t written here for a long time, but it’s not my fault.
Somebody’s to blame and I’m going to find out who it is.
I’ll check on it and get back to you. I promise.
So, we’re good? Okay, moving on:
Donald Trump is president of the United States (I know!) and the reason he’s president is because nobody in the entire country cared about the little people left behind when the gazillionaires took over until the billionaire with bigly ideas came along.
We might have had Hillary as president! Think of that! Thank goodness for those emails! Nobody liked her, anyway.
More than a year and a half in, Trump is still president but it’s okay because the Democrats are wusses and it’s a tough world out there. Nobody likes them, anyway.
Trump is a congenital liar and a verifiable weirdo but a whole bunch of Americans seem to like that in a president. It can’t be them. It must be us.
Vladimir Putin might be pulling Trump’s strings but Obamacare is dead in the water and poor people won’t be allowed to game the system, so that’s something. Right?
They’re separating refugee families, kidnapping their kids, losing them and adopting them out, but it has to be done to send a message that asylum in America is not available to brown people.
We have to put up with Trump and his regime because if we don’t we might be stuck with judges who just don’t get it that atheists, non-Christians, gays, blacks, browns, blues, women, poor people, sick people, and all-around non-Republicans don’t have a place here, either.
The stock market is up! We’re doing great! Okay, maybe not you or me, but that guy over there is ecstatic. Well, no, of course he’s not one of us, but look how happy he is!
The UN, NATO…those outsiders are sucking us dry! And how about that China, folks? North Korea? Venezuela? Iran? England? France? And now CANADA! It’s a good thing Trump came along when he did. You have to admit, nobody handles those foreigners like our guy.
Big guns, massacres, and the NRA. It’s America. We have a right to shoot ourselves up, no matter what the second Amendment says about well-regulated militias or some such.
Flint, Puerto Rico, New Jersey? Terrible what happened to them but can they quit whining? After all we’ve done for them?
Lots of people are writing bad things about Trump and his administration. Just awful. Books, articles, essays, blogs…all against the president the most like Lincoln on this earth. This man who has the best words and hires the best people and who alone can fix us. The American press — enemies of the people — can’t stand his success.They’re so jealous.
And then there’s God. God has taken to shining His countenance upon Donald Trump. I’m having a hard time with this one, too, but the people saying it swear on their dog-eared bibles that that’s what God has told them. So let me ask you — has God ever spoken to you like that? No? Me, neither. I rest their case.
But the kicker is abortion. Yes, lets just say it. It’s the be-all, end-all perfect scapegoat and the thing that cements Donald Trump in his cushy digs inside our White House. If we could just eradicate abortions we wouldn’t be where we are right now.
But everybody loves the president. He’s the most successful president ever.
And if he’s impeached it’s the voters’ fault for not voting to keep him safe from Democrats.
Democrats who, we all know, are wusses, snowflakes, losers, and getting meaner by the day. Really, really crooked, those people.
The whole thing is silly. There’s nothing wrong here. It’ll be fine. It’ll be better than fine. It’ll be so great!
As Dear Leader says — and I quote: “Stick with us. Don’t believe the crap you see from these people, the fake news. What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening.”
So in closing I’d just like to say I’m not responsible for anything you’ve just read here. The truth is, I hardly know this person. Met her once or twice. Maybe had my picture taken with her. But that’s it.