Long ago I twisted the old saying, “Curiosity killed the cat” to “Curiosity saved the rat”, which I typically have to follow up with the explanation of the original saying, which makes for all kinds of awkward. But I digress.
I wonder what the typical length of pursuit in BDSM is, I haven’t been able to find any significant data on that. I’ve read a number of interviews of women that were in the field professionally, on either the dominant or submissive sides, sometimes they acted out both sides. Most of them only stayed in it for a few years, then became disturbed by it, internally, much like you did(I’m not implying that you were a professional, just making a tangential comparison) and then got away from it.
A lot of that stuff may be like the “Haunted Houses” or “Amusement Parks” that people are fond of visiting once a year or every few years, a curiosity, evocative, via strings to the past. But once you leave the park or house, there’s a taste of dissatisfaction on ones tongue(rinse, repeat, dear god, where’s the turpentine).
Anywho, thanks for sharing Violet