I know many of you have spent agonizing nights on this question : “How can i become a poseur” ? , I myself have spent a lot of time on it. This question kept gnawing away at me and for years i searched everywhere for an answer (internet , lounges , rock concerts , even Himalayas), i met a lot of people who i thought were best in the business (of being a poseur) , but sadly none of them could really explain how was it that they achieved their “poseurness”.
If you are one of those persons like me — who is not a born poseur but who still want to achieve this unique title then look no further — “I am here for you”. I have finally found the exact steps with will make you a guaranteed poseur and you’ll be an eyesore among your friends and an embarrassment to your family. Plus you’ll be a delight for your enemies.
POSEURGUIDE gives you a detailed and methodical approach on how to become a poseur.Now before moving further on how to actually realize your dream of becoming a poseur , lets ask a question , a question those non poseurs ask out aloud when they see our kind :
“WHY THE F**K WOULD ANY ONE WANT TO BE A POSEUR ??????”
Barring the expletives this is fairly legitimate question from their point of view. See they don’t understand why anyone would want to become a poseur , now lets get this doubt cleared once and for all….
Lets take an example of a guitar poseur , (for the uninitiated this kind of poseur is quite infatuated with the instrument — guitar), now don’t we all know a few those ;)
Now actually learning guitar is quite difficult , in fact it is one of the toughest things one can do to their fingers and not to mention joints (i mean finger joints not the ones i think that you are thinking about, cough cough!!) . If you are not gifted like those virtuoso players it would take years and years of practice before you could actually do something on the guitar which would make chicks and hens cum in their pants. Now who has years and years of years to waste for something like that ? I mean please…. i have much better things to do… like hanging out at wannabe places, making fun of homeless people , generally annoying the f**k out of everybody.
All that effort and pain , that is definitely a turn off ,also i don’t want the tips of my fingers to look like chafed wood, Do you? , Plus i have generally seen the more you learn about something the more you realize how little you know , the more humble you become . And Humble is not cool at all — .(Period), You don’t get laid by being humble do you ?? The only thing you might get by being Humble is respect from other people. And if you wanted or had respect in the first place why the hell would you want to become poseur ?? Ha!!!!.
Also guitar at times could be quite an expensive pursuit… and if you can’t afford one why simply miss out on all the adoration that good guitar players get. Becoming a guitar poseur will ensure that you don’t miss out on all the perks of being a guitar god and at the same time would be healthy on your wallet too.
Phew…. Now that this whole point is answered , lets move further……
Now POSEURGUIDE defines five levels of poseurness , they being from level 0 to 4 with level 0 being the most basic and level 4 being the most advanced. Now lets not waste any more time and get down to it.
Shall we ?
Level 0 : (Do I have it in me ?)
This is the most basic level , now although it is the most basic level but don’t be fooled by small numbers. This is the most basic and most important level. For it is this level which could well decide if you can become a poseur at all!!! i personally know many people who couldn’t even become level 0 poseurs and had to give up their life time ambition. So don’t take this step easy.
How to become level 0 poseur :
First of all choose the subject in which you want to become a poseur , like they say in the “Art of War” careful choice of the subject is most important thing in winning the battle (They don’t really say that but see how it got your attention we will see this step in a while). In case you are confused about it then there are myriad choices for you : going for Art is a good option this could either a Visual Art (painting etc) or Music or Dance or Literature or All in one (Movies). Choose something which is cool for e.g in Music its always better to go for Guitar or Drums or exotic ones like Didgeridoo, rather than some obscure instrument like Mridamgam or Naal. Although sometimes even obscure subjects can become cool for e.g Cooking A friend of mine has achieved quite a level of poseurness in this itself.
Once you have chosen your subject , get an internet connection so that you can read useless information about your subject off the net. The fact that you are reading this article is testimony enough to the point that internet has way too much useless information.
Now comes the most important step : This steps determines if you have it in you to become a poseur once you have chosen the field go and immerse yourself into that field. For e.g if it is music then listen to loads of new music, Don’t be specific at all just shut the f**k up and listen , even if you don’t have a taste for it.
The important thing here is not to be influenced by your peers , you don’t listen to something because they listen to it , just pick out random stuff and start listening to it. Do this for about a week to 10 days , at the end of the session take stock of the what you have heard , now identify the artists with whom you connect.
And here comes the deciding factor — The artists with which you identify yourself must belong to the poseur category, if you don’t have it in you to identify the poseurs in your chosen field then you don’t have it in you to become a poseur.
In my case When i started off , i just wanted to listen to English music , i didn’t care what kind or type, all i wanted to do was listen to English songs because they make you look cool in India , now once i became used to English Songs then i wanted to become even more hardcore so the next step — Rock Music!!! and i didn’t know shit about it. I didn’t even know what artists played rock music but i wanted to be totally hardcore , so i go into the music shop , go to the rock section — Tapes of Metallica , Megadeth , KISS , Led Zep , Black Sabbath , Pantera are screaming at me… somehow i don’t feel connected to them at all , they all looked kind of juvenile to me, i slowly browse the section tape by tape , looking at the artwork , looking at the song listing , until i come across one tape which makes me stop in my tracks and makes my heart go faster. I scrutinize the tape in my hand , it says “Hybrid Theory” Linkin Park , i am mesmerized by it. The art work of a soldier with wasp like wings running with a flag makes perfect sense to me. This is so much hardcore than Scatman and Cotton Eye Joe…. i can feel it , i get the tape home plug it in and start listening and for the first time in my life i am connected to music at a whole new level altogether.
See… nobody told me to pick LP , i just did it on my own. It would be years before i realize that i became a level 0 poseur that day in the music store.
If you pass this step …there are possibilities for you , but this step is crucial, you need to pick up mediocrity on your own be it Music , Art , Literature, Movies blah blah blah…..
Read this article for further information about Poseur bands and a whole genre for guys like us — “Poseur Rock”
Next up Level 1 — Coming soon.