6 Reasons Why Selling Is Like Dating
I was recently on a date with a nice guy that I met online, and something hit me. We were both selling. We had been selling ourselves from before we even matched. So there we were on our first face to face exchange and we had to use all of our social and influencing skills to show that we are highly valuable, in demand and function well. And if one of us acted desperate, pushy and talked about ourselves for two hours straight, that date may have ended badly.
Of course, there are a lot more chemicals to dating, which can be addictive and euphoric, but let’s explore the basic similarities between sales and dating.
1. Pushiness is a Turnoff
When it comes to dating, those who are pushy and desperate, lose their attractiveness. No one wants to be with someone that no one else wants. It’s not much different in sales. When you show pushiness and desperation, it sends alarm bells into the prospect’s mind, that no one wants what you have to offer. Don’t ever look like your pipeline is so empty that no one is doing business with you, even if that’s the case. Value yourself, your products and services. And if you don’t believe in what you’re selling, don’t sell it. I’m not saying not to be assertive and persistent, but when you call someone seven times in seven hours and they tell you to stop, then stop. Or, when a prospect gives you an objection, don’t start to plead that if they buy your product they won’t regret it and then bag out the competition. Just like in dating, rather than push towards people, pull them into you, with the value you offer.
“Maybe we’re not their type, perhaps we remind them of their insane ex who tried to run over their cat, or there’s simply no chemistry.”
2. Everyone Likes to Feel Special, So Copied and Pasted Messages Are a No Go
Have you ever been on a dating site and received a message from a stranger with an essay about how wonderful they are? And you know that it’s copied and pasted, because there’s no way in hell someone is going to spend that long writing all that out for hundreds of potential matches. Now, would this same person have grabbed your attention if they took the time to read that you love yoga, and mentioned it in their message? The same principle applies when you connect to a prospect online. For example, when someone messages me on LinkedIn, those who grab my attention communicate to my ego. I’m more receptive if this person took the time to read my article and highlighted what they liked about it, or did some research and knew at least one fact about me. One lady once sent me a message and confessed she did some internet stalking. I should have felt creeped out, but I found it endearing. She went on to say how she was impressed that I was vegan, and asked about some recipes. Do you think I may have stopped everything I was doing and replied to her message out of the 60 messages I had received that day?
3. No One Likes to Be Rejected, But You Have to Accept it and Gain The Courage to Hear No
When we put ourselves on the dating scene, we are going to be prone to rejection. We’re going to face lots of people that are simply not interested, either online or after we meet them face to face. Maybe we’re not their type, perhaps we remind them of their insane ex who tried to run over their cat, or there’s simply no chemistry. It is no different to selling. We are going to be emailing, calling and meeting with hundreds of people, and the majority of these people are simply going to say that they are not interested. And if we’re lucky, they will give us objections, and if we’re skilled, we may know how to overcome those objections. But at times, no matter how well we overcome those objections, we will get rejected. We must accept that this is the reality of the game, cut our losses and move on.
“No matter how high prime your product is, you can’t sell it to low prime people.”
4. Some People May Feel Awkward Saying No to You, So Expect to Get Ghosted
You went on the perfect date, you both were laughing and even held hands. Then, you never hear from that person again. Are they dead? Or Maybe their cat is in hospital? You call their cell, but the number rings out. A few days later you call from a private number, only to hear their energetic voice. That bastard is alive and well! The probability is, that person was either too nice on the date to reject your advances and led you on, or, had second thoughts when they got home. Rather than telling you straight out that they are not into you, they take the cowardly route and ghost you. The same shit happens in the sales world. The meeting goes well, the client tells you that they are going to buy or may be interested and to call again next week, and when you do, they ghost you. I once had a manager of a reputable employment services organization, go as far as signing a training agreement as I was sitting in his office, and even shake my hand. We set dates for sales training for his staff, only for him to do a disappearing act the next time I called. What’s even worse, is that he was the one that sought me out and insisted that I do the 3 hour trip to his office. I called him almost every day for a week after he signed, and each time his secretary said that he was in a meeting. And Danny if you’re reading this, you know who you are! That wasn’t cool.
5. Some People May Not See The Value And That’s Okay
At times, no matter how amazing, beautiful, smart, funny and educated we are, the person who we want to pursue cannot see how brilliant we are. They could even settle for someone who is the cheaper version of us. Be warned, if you try to force these people into a relationship with you, often they will have buyer’s remorse and will break your heart. Now in sales, no matter how high prime your product is, you can’t sell it to low prime people. Other times, the prospect may not see the value or have the need for what you’re offering. That’s okay. We can’t force people to buy something that is not for them. We need to accept that and target more qualified leads.
6. Your Clients Will Break up With You
In the dating world, most of us have faced a breakup either because it wasn’t working out or someone else had a better offer. Although it’s not as tragic in the business world, if you don’t nurture that relationship and show you care after making that sale, your client may want a refund, or next time move on to a better product or service. Be ready for a competitor to come along and sweep them off their feet. Don’t ever get complacent and think that you’re the hottest deal on the market. Keep building relationships, nurturing them and innovating.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a newbie to the dating world, just signed divorce papers or have been in a relationship for 30 years. You’re always selling yourself and your value. My advice is, learn the sales game and you won’t struggle much when it comes to dating.
This article is dedicated to my good friend Assaad Mouawad who has been pushing me to write this for 6 months now.
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As a sales trainer, Rana Kordahi is determined to make everyone fall in love with selling. She wants to make the word ‘sales’ sound hip, rather than slimy. Being a Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner and mindset coach, she combines NLP, mindset, EQ and psychology to sales training to take people beyond their sales potential. She’s the founder of Limitlessminds Training and Coaching which specializes in corporate sales and sales leadership training.