How We Spend Our Money Is None of Your Business
Kristin Diversi

It sounds like you encountered what I like to call the “pain-contrarian”. These are people who are weirdly resentful of someone in a difficult situation.

It could be financial troubles, sexism, racism, or a bad experience with a business. The pain-contrarian responds as if they were accused of causing the situation, and do things like suggest you are overreacting or that the situation is your fault.

It would take less effort to react with kindness or indifference, so I don’t understand why the pain-contrarian chooses to get defensive about something they didn’t cause. Regardless of the motivation, these responses are destructive and better unsaid.

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