I, too, grew up in a home like that. I was also molested as a child, so that was a whole other devil. I had shame on top of shame. I was very afraid to have sex. I waited until I was married to engage in sex and well that was a disaster. I then thought, that this is what people desire to do on a regular basis, not me. What was all the hipe about? I didn’t find out how fun it could be until after I was divorced.
I also chose some bad guys. I went through a few men myself. Hoping some one would love me like I wanted to be loved. I had low self esteem to the point of settling in a few of these relationships. Abuse was the norm. I talked down men so much that my teenage daughter wants nothing to do with them. She has a girlfriend. She seems happy.
I’m much older now, and at the moment I could care less about having sex. Which is not good because I am married again. He has been a very patient person and loves me for just me. To me, he loves me like Jesus does, to a point, he is human after all.
In my older years all I want is to have a relationship with Jesus. Not the religious one where there are just strick rules, but the one who is loving, kind and patient with all my short comings and sins. He loves me unconditionally, even as I drive down the road cussing people out for their lack of ability to drive and keep up with the traffic. He truly loves us right where we are.
Thank you for sharing your experience