I’m quitting Facebook — mostly because I don’t want to

Yes, you read that correctly, and I hope to explain that oxymoron in the next few paragraphs.

TL;DR — I could tell their algorithm was getting better at hooking my interest, even with questionable content. I don’t like being manipulated — or addicted.

My relationship with Facebook has been on and off over the years — it started years ago when my daughter was in college and her responses to my queries such as “how was your weekend?” would be something like “Dad, I posted updates and pictures on Facebook,” so I joined Facebook to keep up with my daughter.

She dumped Facebook several years ago (she was way ahead of me there). My interest waned quickly when she did that and I ignored Facebook for quite some time. Then, I did start to connect with some old friends and find some content that interested me. I maintained a low level of interest for a few years, tempered by my frustration over Facebook’s disdain of personal privacy and user choice which was evident even then.

The turning point was subtle and hard to pinpoint — I don’t know exactly when it happened, but I found myself feeling compelled to check Facebook daily, or more recently, multiple times per day (shudder). What I found very odd about this was that even though, yes, some of the content I found genuinely interesting, much of it I found inane, insulting, or downright false. Even more frightening, was that I could feel myself getting the little dopamine hit of being validated when I read a post by a friend that aligned with my political views, even though in many cases a second later I recognized a red flag indicating the content was at best exaggerated or worse, downright fraudulent when I checked on it.

Over the last few years I have built an impressively long list of reasons to distrust, dislike and disavow Facebook, but never left it, because of dear friends and some interesting nuggets of content here and there. Realizing both that they were actively striving to addict me and that it was working, forced me to accept that this one benefit, which I had managed to live without just fine for over four decades, was not enough to overcome all the many negatives, which I will list below for anyone struggling with the same question (or with insomnia).

I don’t like tribalism

I am a practicing Zen Buddhist. A major theme of Buddhist practice is to realize the falseness of the distinction between self and other, to see the commonality between people, to become more aware of the ways we boost our ego and identity, which often involves defining your identity through your likes, dislikes, and affiliations. Since my ordination and adopting a role as a Zen chaplain, I have chosen not to participate in public pledges of tribal affiliation. I very consciously include the American Pledge of Allegiance in that category. That is one of the ways I bring my Zen practice into everyday life — I want to be open and available to all — to proclaim my membership in one tribe by definition excludes others who do not so identify. I consider the defining of an “us” vs “them” to be the root of a good many evils.

By profiling us based on our likes and dislikes, and by whom we have defined as friends, then using that profile to reinforce those definitions by feeding us with confirmation bias dopamine hits, Facebook is tribal definition on steroids. If I don’t want to claim a tribe in public, I don’t want to be building a strong tribal affiliation online.

Security — soooo many security problems

The current Facebook security scandal with Cambridge Analytica is egregious, but only the most recent in a long string and I don’t expect it to be the last, so this alone could be reason enough for leaving. I generally don’t like trite truisms, but in this case I firmly believe the statement “If the service is free, then you aren’t the customer, you are the product” is absolutely, astoundingly relevant. Don’t get me wrong, I willingly make this trade in many cases, most notably my Gmail account. In those other cases I feel like I am getting a fair trade — I don’t mind seeing a few ads for a really good, free email service. However, in my calculus, Facebook has crossed the line taking far more advantage of me and exposing me (and my friends) to risks far in excess of the benefit provided to me. Your mileage may vary — it’s a personal decision — or is it?

I wish this were just a personal problem, but the personal data risk extends also to my friends, or to me through my friends no matter what I do, and as the Cambridge Analytica scandal has shown, our entire nation is at risk of having public opinion swayed and trust in public institutions diminished. I can not overstate my opinion of the negative impact this has on our democracy.

Oh, and I won’t miss the content

Another thing I’ve noticed about my online behavior recently is that I’m far better at curating a collection of content I like than Facebook is. Technology has allowed me to build a collection of podcasts, ebooks and audiobooks (public libraries are alive and well with electronic lending!), and various online content aggregation services and apps that are NOT trying to influence me beyond normal advertising. Imagine that, me being in charge of choosing the content I consume! I have far more sources of good content than I have time to enjoy, AND I don’t have to question its veracity as much.

Voting with my feet

Not that my one little account deletion will matter to Facebook, but this is the only way I can voice my opinion that counts at all— rants, polls, and petitions do nothing. Only when Facebook can no longer sell my data will they care about my valuation of their service. It is the only way I see to effectively exercise my desire to be heard and counted. But that’s not the major reason why I’m doing this, not by a long shot.

I respect and treasure my clarity of mind

I am doing this first and foremost for my own mental health. I have always been fond of Polonius’ advice to Hamlet: “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” I can not be true to myself — in this case my intent to reduce my ego biases — if I consciously subject myself to those who are deliberately trying to reinforce my own biases (i.e. Facebook’s algorithms) and enabling those who deliberately want to sway my opinion (e.g. Cambridge Analytica and others like them to whom Facebook sells our personal information).

Goodby Facebook, welcome back reality

So, I am indeed going to delete my account. I’m actually looking forward to it — I won’t have my conscience nagging me about all the negatives above, as they have been for a few years now. I will, however, wait a week or two after posting a link to this explanation, so my friends and contacts will have the opportunity to know that I am leaving and why. I will miss the updates of those I care about, but I hope you can understand and respect my decision, even if you don’t agree. As for me, I am looking forward to re-focusing more of my attention on the question of “who am I?”, rather than on whom Facebook or their customers want me to be.