The Death of Sportsmanship

A plea for our children in an era of hyper-competition

I’m just old enough to remember when the greats that we celebrated in sports were often shining examples of great sportsmanship. Joe Montana, Magic Johnson and Wayne Gretzky were some of the greats that I remember from my youth. Sure, there were guys like Jose Canseco or Bill Laimbeer that didn't have a sterling reputation, but we called them “bad boys” and celebrated them like we would the villains in an old-time cops and robbers movie. The question we need to ask for our youth today is: will they even know the difference?

The overwhelming influence of the media, big money in sports, and a “shift” in our values as a society has made it common place to celebrate players that talk trash, taunt their competitors and in general behave badly both on and off the field. It is becoming harder and harder to identify the “good guys” that consistently do things the right way and set a great example for young people. But instead of blaming professional athletes for the decline of sportsmanship and having the age-old argument about whether or not they should be role models in the first place, let’s talk about the people that there will be no debate about as role models: parents and coaches.

Over the past few years, my son has been playing in the local flag football league. This is a great organization with countless volunteers, coaches, officials and parents that make it possible for our young people to get exposed to football without having to strap on pads. It’s a simple and fun game to watch, requires almost no equipment, and is a great way for kids to learn a little more about the game before moving on to the more physical game of tackle football. I can’t say enough about how good this league is for the kids and how many good people are involved. And yet when I reflect on this last season, it concerns me greatly to observe the general decline in sportsmanship.

My son’s team was undefeated during their regular season division play and fortunate enough to make it to the semi-finals to compete for the league championship this weekend. Over the course of the last few weeks of the regular season and during the league playoffs, I saw a continual decline in sportsmanship as the games became more competitive. There was a strong correlation between the teams that were the leaders of their divisions and the lack of sportsmanship demonstrated by coaches, parents and even players. I witnessed the following examples of behavior over the past 24 hours:

- A coach pretending to faint on the sideline to express his displeasure over a “bad call” on the field

- Kids simulating the “spiking” of flags that they captured to make a “tackle”

- A coach call the opposing team’s players “so un-athletic” within earshot of the opposing teams’ parents

- A 9 year old that argued with the ref at least 3 times about the placement of his flags and whether they were within regulation

- A coach complain that the other coach was guilty of “slow play” and preventing him from getting a chance to score (no penalty had been called for a delay and he was up by 2 touchdowns at this point)

- A parent telling a player on the sideline that the other coach was making “bad moves” by calling certain plays, again within earshot of opposing coaches and players

- A 9 or 10 year old player telling another player “you suck” while on the field

- A coach that called a timeout with a minute left and up by 3 scores in an attempt to make another score

These incidents occurred in the span of two games.

I’m not naive. Kids play sports to learn how to compete and winning and losing is part of the process. I’m not suggesting that we shield them from it. And for those that know me personally, I’m a highly competitive individual that hates to lose. I've been known to be difficult to be around when my favorite team loses and I don’t enjoy losing at all. I think it’s absolutely fine to have the kids invested in their team and to care about winning and losing. But the question we need to ask ourselves when our children play sports is, “Why are we here?”

When we have our children play sports, we should be focused on their physical fitness and well being, their continued learning in the sport and in their development as individuals. Many of the greatest coaches and leaders in sports have stressed that the identity of a great team is not of based on that group’s win/loss record, but on their ability to demonstrate maximum effort and focus, to bring positive energy and leadership to bear when it’s needed to overcome a challenge and to demonstrate strong character. Isn't that what we should be aiming for with our children? Isn't that ultimately more important than whether they win or lose?

My son was fortunate enough to have coaches that demonstrated and encouraged great sportsmanship throughout the season. I know that many coaches and parents do the same thing. In the end, it’s about our kids. And they won’t remember most of these games and the scores will be long forgotten. But the example that we’re setting for them as adults and the values we’re instilling will live on.