When I decided that I would become a teacher I knew that I wanted to teach in a place where the children really needed me. I wanted to give them everything that I wanted for my own children. So I began teaching and discovered that the EVERYTHING that I wanted to give them extended way beyond pencils, paper, or lessons. They needed hugs and concern. They needed a surrogate Auntie and sometimes an immediate Mommy. They needed a warm hat or a pair of socks. They needed a shoulder to cry on and arms to shelter in. They needed a dollar fifty for the bus and a quiet palce to eat their lunch away from the noise that was too much a part of their lives. They needed all things and everything everyday. Sometimes I gave more than I had. Sometimes I gave them time that I should have given to my own family. But on those days when I retreated to my classroom to cry for all the things I couldn’t give them and for the not enough I might have given my own kids I prayed that my giving to these children who weren’t my own would somehow go into a cosmic bank somewhere for my son and daughter. I prayed that others would give their love and support to my children in their time of need just as I was doing for this classroom of children in my care. I gave what I had because I had been given so much already. Every day that I walked into my school I prayed and served and prayed and served. I want you to know that my son and daughter have been BLESSED by the kindness of strangers their entire lives. The gestures and gifts of kindness and care have seemingly come out of the heavens at the exact time that they needed some help sometimes even before they knew they needed help. I choose to believe that it is because I have given a lifetimes worth of service and prayer to the children that God placed in my hands.
My Grandmother was the person who taught me that we must always give of ourselves to others. If she saw a need she sprang into action. If you needed something she would find a way to get it for you or help you find a way to get it. She fed people, clothed children, found money for delinquent rent or utility bills, sheltered women and children running from domestic abuse, buried people, loved people. To my Gaga, money was a tool to be used in service to others. It was a means to an end. It was useful, but not important. What was important was compassion, empathy, support, LOVE. Did everyone deserve the love my Gaga gave them? Of course they didn’t. But that wasn’t really the point was it. Giving was her prayer and her donation into the life bank for her beloved children and grandchildren. Did she get taken advantage of sometimes? Of course she did. Was she hurt by it? Not really. She just prayed harder and put that person in God’s hands.
Last week I gave money to someone who’s plight touched my heart. Today it seems that this person may not have been sincere in their need for assistance. But the outpouring of love and support that occurred on Medium was so immediate and sincere that it brought me to tears. There was/is so much LOVE here. It leapt and jumped from each page like fish jumping out of the water in greater and greater numbers, each one trying to help, protect, support. LOVE IN SERVICE rippling out in ever increasing circles overtaking all of us. What a blessing you all are. If making a donation to a probably sketchy person who is a ridiculously effective writer (if it was in fact a scam)allowed me to see what happens when ANGELS come out in force to get shit done- then I consider that money well spent. Maybe it wasn’t even about that person….maybe WE needed to DO something for ourselves….together…to give and make a difference for someone immediately. All that love is in the COSMIC BANK now. Overflowing onto all of the trouble there is elsewhere in the world. LOVE IS NEVER WASTED. NEVER!