“And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds”
Charles Bukowski
It was when passion became suddenly very popular. Everyone seemed to know what they want to do and would do anything to follow their passions. I did not have any idea what my passion was. I sat there quietly listening to their speeches, raking my brain to find an answer for myself. They said passion is something you would really want to do if money were not a problem.
It took quiet a long time for me to finally realise that I would probably want to be a writer. But, watching a lot of successful writers and talented people with their crafts makes me question myself over and over again. Sometimes I just laugh at the idea and think of it as an attempt of silly me trying to be relevant.
That is until I watched a video about Charles Bukowski, thanks to Pursuit of Wonder. The video tells his life story and his thoughts about writing. What leaves a deep impression for me is how his gravestone says the words “DON’T TRY”. The words are actually his own reflection of what it takes to become a writer.
Hardworking Poet
Charles Bukowski started writing since he was young. He published some of his early works at the age of 24. However, he did not achieve the necessary breakthrough in literary world. He decided to quit his writing for almost a decade and spent his time working blue-collar jobs, including as a letter carrier at United States Post Office Department.
He had to be hospitalised in 1955 and resigned from his job at the post office. He started writing again once he left the hospital. His poems and essay made it to several magazines. However, he had to work at the post office again in 1960. This time, he kept writing while working over there. He decided to resign from his job permanently to dedicate his time to write in 1969. It was then he started to gain literary success and published his first novel, Post Office. He was 49 years old at that time.
One of his poems I like the most is Born Into This. It is a poem which I can relate the most, especially during quarantine.
“We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it’s cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes.”
Go All the Way
In one of his poems, Go All the Way, he explained his approach of “DON’T TRY”.
“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery — isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”
He then elaborated his approach in his letter to fellow poet, William Packard. “When everything works best it’s not because you chose writing but because writing chose you. It’s when you’re mad with it, it’s when it’s stuffed in your ears, your nostrils, under your fingernails. It’s when there’s no hope but that.”
Understanding his life story has helped me a lot to think about writing from his perpective. Bukowski tried to live up to his passion, but he realised that he still needed money to survive. I really like his realistic approach by separating his job and passion. In a world where people achieve what they want in life from the young age, it brings peace to my mind that Bukowski did not allow his setbacks stop him from pursuing what really mattered to him and eventually found his success when he was 49 years old.
His spirit in writing and understanding of everyday life struggles have inspired me to keep doing what I believe in, especially in writing. He also encouraged writers to stay true to themselves and do write for the sake of writing itself, not because of fame, money, admiration, etc. It is easy to get lost in competitive world and comparing yourself to others. Listening to Bukowski from time to time has helped me stay focus on what really matters to me.
He said “DON’T TRY” and I believe him.
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