~ The Preposterous Hiphopopotamus ~
It was around dinner time when Higgs and Hayah were walking through the woods and Higgs suddenly grabbed Hayah by the arm and stopped. “Be very quiet” he whispered to Hayah, “Shit, I think we found it”.
And there it was indeed. In an open field in the middle of the forest. Mighty and Muscular. Only a few feet away. The preposterous hiphopopotamus. Hiphoppo for the laymen. One of its kind. Known to be prancing around these parts but seldom actually seen. And as if fate had willed it they were staring it straight in the eyes. How unfortunate.
This forest is home to the humongous fungus. A delicacy in the eyes of this self-proclaimed beauty of a beast. An opinion is not shared with the rest of the world by the way. About the hiphoppo being beautiful I mean. It’s actually quite the opposite. Trust me when I say, just looking at its frowning face your stomach will turn sideways. And that’s not an opinion. That is fact.
I would have included a better drawing but doing so would effectively ruin this book. For its ugliness permeates beyond the page. So you will just have to image it. But I hope you don’t image it correctly. For your fate would be the same as anyone unlucky enough to lay eyes on this deformity.
So as they were looking at the gratuitous grimace of the hiphoppo. The unexpected didn’t happen. And that is a precarious proposition.
You see, while the preposterous hiphopopotamus is not know to be a sight for sore eyes. It is know, however, to keep itself and its surroundings as clean as a whistle. And it demands the same demeaner from anyone dumb enough to dump stool on its domain deliberately. Save for the facitious fazant whom it has a peculiar hip kinship like relationship with. But I digress.
Hiphoppo locked eyes with Higgs and Hayah.
Now, running in this standoff is ill advised. There are fates worse than death for what could happen next. And standing still in this severe stalemate is deemed dangerous even more so. What if none of you have anything note worthy to say? The awkward silence could be devastating!
No, your best chance of survival is to moderately wave and wiggle in no particular direction. Now be very careful not to start dancing out of sheer uncontrolled excitement! It has happened to the best of us and the outcome could bring about the worst fate of all. For hiphoppo is a fiercely capable dancer. It’s somewhat of an obssession. And any dancing in its direct perimitar will be seen as an act of aggression. And before you know it the uneventful standoff will have changed into an epic dance off. One of deadly proportions.
Luckily Higgs and Hayah know this. And are also self aware enough to know they can absolutely not dance at all. Hayah would have certainly tried. But he would have failed miserably. So as they were contemplating their next move they shifted their gaze from the atrocious animal and turned their heads towards eachother. They knew what had to be done.
Higgs started off with a subtle movement of his tail. Which ended up being suprisingly gracious. Hayah on the other hand tried to shimmy shammy his butt a little while using slight hand motions similar to the classic jazz hands move. It was a really strange scene to behold. But it seemed to be working. Hiphoppo still had its sight set on our stumbeling heroes but with each slight wavering movement it dozed off more and more. Its mind began to wander. This was their chance.
Higgs started to back out of the open field step by step. Ever so mindfull to keep wiggling about. As he reached the line of trees surrounding the open field he slowly turned around and started to move away. Higgs let out a sigh “That was close”.
But then suddenly a scream was heard. And a lot of rumbling shook the trees. “Help!” he could hear Hayah scream as he was running towards Higgs. “You idiot!” Higgs barked at him, “Why are you running? You will get us both killled!”. “I’m so sorry!” Hayah apologized as he ran past Higgs, “I couldn’t help myself. I imagined myself at the Pikari Festival and the music was just too good and groovey!”.
“Damnit! You and your imagination..!” scolded Higgs as he started to run aswell. In an almost rhythmic fashion the sound of trees breaking could be heard all around them. The chase was on. No one challenges hiphoppo to a dance off and not finish it. One way or another a victor had to be declared. And it almost always was the preposterous hiphopopotamus…