Our inner voice is out there

When I was a child, I remember starting to draw too early. I liked to recreate the beautiful life scenes I saw and create the ones that I was not able to see. One day I picked the thickest book from the shelf. It was not about drawing. It was about the great deeds of the portuguese people. I looked at those letters, for those words and I couldn’t understand half of it, but I felt like it was a work of art, even with the absence of color. The color was the hidden meaning.

I thought maybe I was also able to do something like that and, of course, from that moment on I never stopped writing. I collected some diarys. About girl things, platonic passions, the kind of crap you don’t want to ever see the daylight. I tried to make poetry. Until I realize that I’m better at reading it or cry, when I hear it. Both out loud. I don’t like silence. This doesn’t mean I don’t know how to enjoy it, but I think communication is the most important thing in the world. And, it can be shocking, but, hey, we can do it with our mouth shut. So, at that point, I was really struggling to find my inner voice.

I think I spent my entire teenage years being a bookworm. But our voice is out there, is the relationship we have with our life. I couldn’t write because I didn’t have great deeds to tell. I could imagine, but it’s different when we have to explain it. So I loved (and that’s not a thing we can stop doing after we try), which means my heart began to grow. More fabric to tear. And then I started writing novels. Or episodes, at least. Fictional stories with real people. Not Brad Pitt but with the boys next door. The good, the dream, the bad, the deception, the where were you.

These men helped me in my self journey. They still help me, but now they share the mission. Now I know that you don’t love just people. But the things we love are always about someone. I feed each of my lovers every time I go to the theater, I hear a song or I see the sunrise. I am each of my lovers and I am the theater, the song, the sunrise. I write about that. Little tiny peaces of life that make me tremble. And, maybe, can make you tremble too. I hope.