A list of bright and caustic anecdotes from Vladimir Putin has been compiled
At a meeting with heads of municipalities on January 16, Russian President Vladimir Putin told an appropriate anecdote, interrupting his interlocutor’s speech. How did the head of state joke and what other bright and caustic jokes did he tell at public events?
What’s the joke about blue cheese?
Listening to the speech of the head of the Bobrovsky district about the production of 50 types of cheese, including blue mold, Putin smiled and interrupted him.
“Yesterday they told a joke: “Do you have blue cheese?” — No. There are sausages.” Thank God we have blue cheese, that’s for sure. And the sausages are of the highest quality that we absolutely need,” the president announced.
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It is worth noting that a joke is not only a genre telling about a funny situation, but also literally telling a short interesting story.
Photo: Shutterstock/FOTODOM
What joke did Putin tell about the division of Poland?
The head of state regularly uses jokes in his speeches. Thus, in July 2023, at a press conference at the Russia-Africa summit, he made a reference to the division of Poland following the Yalta Conference in 1945.
“At the Yalta Conference, as historians say, there was a conversation about what the structure of Europe should be. Stalin said that Lvov should be part of the Soviet Union. Churchill objected to him. He said that Lviv was never part of the Russian Empire. To this Stalin replied: “But Warsaw was included,” Putin said.
What Jewish joke did Putin tell?
At a plenary session as part of the Russian Energy Week in 2017, Vladimir Putin commented on the actions of the moderator. Of all those present, the organizer of the discussion repeatedly addressed questions to the president. Putin remembered a suitable joke about an Israeli soldier.
“A young soldier is asked: if 20 terrorists come at you, what will you do? “I’ll take the Uzi and shoot.” — Well done, what if tanks are coming at you? — I’ll take a grenade launcher and defend myself — Well done! What if planes are flying at you, tanks are coming, and infantry is advancing? “Mr. General, am I the only one fighting in our army?” — Putin said.
In what joke did Putin mention Aven?
At a meeting at the Valdai Club in 2017, the president told an anecdote that described his attitude to re-election.
“One oligarch went bankrupt, not Aven, no, everything is fine with him, we will now talk to him about the development of Alfa Group, well, this happens. And so he talks to his wife: “You know, we’ll have to sell the Mercedes, we’ll have to buy a Lada.” — Well, okay. — We will have to move from the mansion on Rublyovka to our apartment in Moscow. — Fine. — Well, will you love me? — Will. And I will miss you very much! “I don’t think they will miss me for a long time!” — the president laughed.
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How Putin ridiculed the bureaucracy in a joke
At the Presidium of the Council for Local Self-Government in 2011, when ways to improve the quality of government services were discussed, Putin admitted that the problem of bureaucracy is native to Russia. He told an anecdote as an example.
Photo: Sergey Bulkin/NEWS.ru
“A man came to Lubyanka and said: I am a spy, I want to surrender. They say to him: Whose spy are you? — American. — Well, then go to the fifth room. He went to the fifth room. I am an American spy, I want to surrender — Do you have weapons? — Yes — To the seventh room, please. He’s in the seventh: I’m a spy, I want to surrender. I have a weapon. — To the tenth! He is in the tenth: I am a spy, I want to surrender, I have a weapon. — Are there any means of communication? — Eat. — To the twentieth room. Came: I am a spy, I have weapons, communications, I want to surrender. They ask him: Do you have a task? “Yes, well, go and do it, don’t interfere with people’s work,” Putin said.
What joke did Putin tell about the international situation?
During a speech at a large press conference in December 2017, Vladimir Putin pointed out the need for Russia to maintain a strong army. He compared the military spending of Russia and the United States, and on the occasion told an anecdote.
“A former officer’s son comes, and he asks his son: son, I had a dirk here, have you seen the dirk? “He says: Dad, don’t swear, I swapped it for a watch from a boy in the neighboring yard.” — Well, show me. Looked: The watch is good, well done. You know, tomorrow bandits-robbers will come to us — they will kill me, they will kill my mother, they will rape your older sister, and you will come out and say: Good evening! Moscow time is 12 hours 30 minutes,” the president said.
What anecdote did Putin use to describe his attitude towards the media?
One of the most famous quotes from the Russian President was his phrase about the relationship between the press and the authorities. The anecdote was made at a meeting between Putin and journalists in December 2004.
“A real man should always try, and a real girl should always resist. The same thing always happens in the sphere of freedom of the media and government,” Putin announced.
What kind of joke did Putin tell about rights?
In 2019, Putin answered a question from forum participants in the Kaliningrad region about changing the public procurement system in the field of medicine. A participant in the discussion complained that medical institutions are forced to order both equipment and government services through competitive tenders, which complicates the process.
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“Conversation in a legal consultation. Grandmother comes and says to the lawyer: do I have the right? — Yes, grandma. — Well, I want to ask, do I have the right? — Yes, you have! — Well, can I or not? “No, grandma, you can’t,” the head of state laughed.
Vladimir Putin
Photo: kremlin.ru
Vladimir Putin
What anecdote from Germany did Putin share?
In 2022, after a terrorist attack destroyed two lines of the Nord Stream gas pipeline, which supplied gas from Russia to Germany, Putin described the results of sanctions against Russia with an anecdote. According to him, a friend from Germany shared the joke with him.
“Family [in Germany], the son asks his dad: dad, why is it so cold? — Because Russia attacked Ukraine. — What do we have to do with it? — And we introduced sanctions against the Russians. — For what? — To make them feel bad. “What are we, Russians?” — said the president.
How Putin joked about Chubais
In 2000, in an interview with ORT and RTR TV channels, Putin made fun of Anatoly Chubais, who by that time headed RAO UES of Russia. In order to get the population and enterprises to pay for electricity, Chubais ordered the disconnection of non-payers — often large businessmen who relied on the support of political parties.
“If you asked me whether it is necessary to do according to Chubais, I can tell you that no, you need to do it wisely,” Putin admitted in an interview.
What joke did Putin tell about himself?
During a meeting with young lawyers in Sochi in November 2023, Vladimir Putin told an anecdote about a lawyer. Putin graduated from the Faculty of Law of Leningrad State University in 1975 and has a diploma in international law.
“Where there are two lawyers, there are at least three opinions. You know what they say about some lawyers? If you ask a lawyer what time it is, he will look at your watch and tell you what time it is, but for this he will take your watch,” Putin explained.
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