I am a person who is not really good in a relationship. I don’t have much experience. I only have one proper relationship (till the point we talk about future) as I barely has interest to others’ life but when I do, I oftenly forget myself.
I met people, I saw kindness in their eyes, some of them end up being my best friends, some of them just passing by. As I grow up, I realize that I’m not a handling worries, sadness, and frustration which lead into a bad decision to end up things in a bad term.
For the past one year, I’ve been trying to heal myself from frustration and sadness. I always think that I would never be enough for anyone. Well, we are all have weakness but mine seems to be extremely frustrating. I am always admired anyone who can play it cool in a relationship cause I barely able to cool. I always want my partner to talk to me mindfully, most of the times I want to talk to him like there’s no time boundary at all but with everything that’s going on in his mind, it’s more than impossible to do cause he needs to do so many things in a day. And also be kind to himself. That crying is the only thing that I do first after he hang up the phone. It sounds so pathetic, I know. And, I’m trying to fight on it. I need to focus on myself too and then recall some memories when we spend our time together happily with smile and tears. I believe in him, I trust him and I really do despite all the stupid things that I did to him, he’ll always be there listening to me. And it wouldn’t be fair if I don’t try too, I tried to embrace my emotions, try to understand the frustration and channeling my energy into something else the, back to the present.
But, I always come to people bare, so they can see the true me, I’m not hiding anything so they can trust me. And I cried a lot like a lot, even when I’m angry cause I never want to be angry so, instead, I’m crying.