Question of Mine

This is may be weird for many people. It was started about a week ago when my coworker talked to me when we had our lunch together at the office.

“I’m going to marry next month. You have to come, okay?” she said to me. And I was so startled till I put my spoon back to my lunch box. I thought she’s kidding me since she haven’t take any leave to prepare her marriage.

“Eh, are you going to married? When? Really?” Turned out that she’s going to marry this December, 9. We are on a same age. And I keep questioning, how can a person be so sure about who to marry? I’m not saying that I don’t want to stay with one person cause I love him but, at this age, we’re just starting our live. 24 is too young to get married, there’s a whole new world need to be discovered FOR ME.

Let’s say, I’m a coward that I am not brave enough to “tie” myself on one person. The thing is, I’m tired become somebody else’s burden. I’ve burdened my parents since I was kid and this is the first time I live away from them and take care of myself. It feels new and I have to survive for me. Besides, I am not sure if somebody could handle me. I can be so annoying when I was in certain mood which come every month (you know what I mean.

There’re some guys (not gonna say that I am quite popular, it just happen to be like that) that let’s say they like me. When they approach me, they used to text me all the time asking mere things so that we could chit chat all day long. Tell you the truth, it won’t last long with me. I’ll get tired of it and decided to go away from you. I might be get excited at first but I’ll get tired and think that this is not what I want.

I wasn’t somebody who’s really happy with too much attention, texted me 10 times an hour is too much. I end up using my energy to talk about unnecessary things. Even my parents won’t text or call me that much because they know I hate it. They only call me once in a while. I don’t like to think that I am owned by somebody, I don’t even own myself, my breath can stop any seconds.

In my past relationship, my ex was kinda controlling me too much till it is so hard for me to meet my friends just because they are guys. I mean, that’s not wrong if you want to take care of me all alone but hey, just be grateful that there’s somebody else who cares about your girl. I can take care of myself and my friends are with me so, I am safe, you can focus on your things. And leaving all responsibility to one guy is not fair at all, it is burdensome. Furthermore, I can be extremely nosy and extremely indifferent in one day.

For now, I take things casually, I guess I don’t have to be in a relationship for a while cause I need to focus on controlling my mood, emotions, and basically have a life I always wanted to be. I feel decent. And, it’s okay if you want to marry at such young age but just don’t tell me, “Why don’t you find a boyfriend soon?”

He will be here, soon. Come like a storm when I least expect him to come

Merry Christmas!!!