
Oh, Chester…
You didn’t have to do that. You who has helped millions with your voice.
I needed a way out. I was at the lowest point in my life, when I started contemplating suicide. Each day, I used to disappear from home and pretend everything would be okay. Keep walking, and walking. Even a moment of stillness pushed me back into the throes of mental anguish. So I kept walking. Till I had to return home, and pretend that everything was A-OK!
And then I found Linkin Park, and you. Because I randomly chose a music store to explore, out of the many open doors I could have walked into. And started listening to a CD on the demo stand. That moment is still so fresh in my mind, even though it was 17 years ago. I was just half my current age then. A boy, who didn’t know any better…
Your voice was magic. It could scream at the world, like I wanted to. It could cry, like I wanted to. You gave voice to my demons, and you chased them away. And listening to you, always made it better and made it bearable. More so, then I’ve ever cared to admit, even to myself.
I’m in a better place now, though it has taken me a decade to be where I’m today. Open to my insecurities, and no longer caring about what the world thinks of me. Living life as I see fit. Through these years, I kept wondering, if I hadn’t walked into that music store that fateful day, would I have survived till today, let alone that day? I don’t think so.
And today, when I’m finally happy with myself (as anyone can be, within reason), I come to know about you. And it’s a range of emotions that I’m feeling, though none of it makes sense right now. Except anger, so I will hold onto it.
Goddammit, Chester.
I understand the importance of mental health awareness, of getting help at the right moment, and most of all to ask for help when you need it.
Please do reach out to the relevant help centers in your part of the world! Life is what you can make out of it, whatever it takes. Remember that.
Writing is how I deal with things, so consider this as my personal take on the matter. Nothing more, nothing less.
