Myths and Facts around Sexual Harassment and Violence you didn’t know
How is it even possible for one to be sexually harassed? I didn’t do anything wrong, s/he didn’t complain, so? I didn’t touch him/her so why are you accusing me?
These are the questions most people ask when they feel accused or attacked after they did what they didn’t know was a form of sexual harassment.
It can be difficult to change the narrative as most have been used to, from considering it as fun, having “power” over the other or probably feeling inferiority complex.
If one doesn’t have the knowledge of the effect of their action, they sometimes feel victimized and blame others for being too sensitive forgetting that, this won’t play out well for them in court or consider the effect on the victims.
Below are some myths one needs to understand to avoid ignorance of the wrath of law.
Myth: Someone who’s drunk lots of alcohol or taken drugs shouldn’t complain if they end up being raped or sexually assaulted.
Fact: In law, consent to sex is when someone agrees by choice and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice. If a person is unconscious or incapacitated by alcohol or drugs, they are unable to give their consent to sex. Having sex with a person who is incapacitated through alcohol or drugs is rape. No-one asks or deserves to be raped or sexually assaulted; 100% of the responsibility lies with the perpetrator.
Myth: It’s only rape if someone is physically forced into sex and has the injuries to show for it.
Fact: Sometimes people who are raped sustain injuries and sometimes they don’t. Someone consents to sex when they agree by choice and have the freedom and capacity to make that choice. There are lots of circumstances in which someone might not have freedom or capacity to consent to sex. For example, rapists will sometimes use weapons or threats of violence to prevent a physical struggle. Sometimes they will take advantage of someone who isn’t able to consent because they are drunk or asleep. Many people who are sexually attacked are unable to move or speak from fear and shock. They may be in a coercive or controlling relationship with their rapist, and/or too young to give consent (under 16). Sex without consent is rape. Just because someone doesn’t have visible injuries doesn’t mean they weren’t raped.
Myth: If two people have had sex with each other before, it’s always OK to have sex again.
Fact: If a person is in a relationship with someone or has had sex with them before, it doesn’t mean they can’t be sexually assaulted or raped by that person. Consent must be given and received every time two people engage in sexual contact. It is important to check in with our sexual partners and make sure anything sexual that happens between us is what we both want, every time.
Myth: People who were sexually abused as children are likely to become abusers themselves.
Fact: This is a dangerous myth, which is sometimes used to try and explain or excuse the behaviour of those who rape and sexually abuse children. It is offensive and unhelpful to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The vast majority of those who are sexually abused as children will never perpetrate sexual violence against others. There is no excuse or explanation for sexual violence against children or adults.
Myth: Women are most likely to be raped after dark by a stranger, so women shouldn’t go out alone at night.
Fact: Only around 10% of rapes are committed by ‘strangers’. Around 90% of rapes are committed by known men, and often by someone who the survivor has previously trusted or even loved. People are raped in their homes, their workplaces and other settings where they previously felt safe. Rapists can be friends, colleagues, clients, neighbours, family members, partners or exes. Risk of rape shouldn’t be used as an excuse to control women’s movements or restrict their rights and freedom.
Myth: People often lie about being raped because they regret having sex with someone or for attention.
Fact: Disproportionate media focus on false rape allegations can give the impression it’s common for people to lie about sexual violence. This is not true. False allegations of rape are very rare. Most victims and survivors never report to the police. One reason for this is the fear of not being believed. It’s really important we challenge this myth so those who’ve been through sexual violence can get the support and justice they need and deserve.
Myth: Only young, ‘attractive’ women and girls, who flirt and wear ‘revealing’ clothes, are raped.
Fact: People of all ages and appearances, and of all classes, cultures, abilities, genders, sexualities, races and religions, are raped. Rape is an act of violence and control; the perceived ‘attractiveness’ of a victim has very little to do with it. There is no excuse for sexual violence and it is never the victim/survivor’s fault. What someone was wearing when they were raped is completely irrelevant.
Myth: Once a man is sexually aroused he can’t help himself; he has to have sex.
Fact: Men can control their urges to have sex just as women can; no-one needs to rape someone for sexual satisfaction. Rape is an act of violence and control. It can’t be explained away and there are no excuses.
Myth: When it comes to sex, women and girls sometimes ‘play hard to get’ and say ‘no’ when they really mean ‘yes’.
Fact: Everyone has the legal right to say ‘no’ to sex and to change their mind about having sex at any point of sexual contact; if the other person doesn’t stop, they are committing sexual assault or rape. When it comes to sex, we must respect the wishes of our sexual partner and believe what they tell us about what they do and don’t want.
Myth: Alcohol, drugs, stress or depression can turn people into rapists.
Fact: Drugs and alcohol are never the cause of rape or sexual assault. It is the attacker who is committing the crime, not the drugs or alcohol. Stress and depression don’t turn people into rapists or justify sexual violence either. There are no excuses.
Myth: Men of certain races and backgrounds are more likely to commit sexual violence.
Fact: There is no typical rapist. People who commit sexual violence come from every economic, ethnic, racial, age and social group.
Myth: Sexual harassment is harmless to the victim.
Fact: Sexual harassment causes significant psychological, physical and economic harm. Psychological and physical consequences include depression, helplessness and decreased work and study performance. Economic consequences include job loss or dropping out.
Myth: It’s not big deal if a person is harassed, it’s all done in good fun.
Fact: Sexual harassment is abusive. It is not done in good fun — it is done to intimidate and hurt others. It is also an inappropriate and unacceptable way of controlling others through degradation and intimidation. Sexual harassment affects us all.
Myth: There is a profile of a typical harasser.
Fact: Harassers can be of any age, gender, race and sexual orientation. They are found in all types of occupations, at all organisational levels.
Myth: Perpetrators are monsters or strangers.
Fact: Sometimes, but not all the time. While many people will never be perpetrators (and many are less likely than others to be perpetrators), sexual harassment does not have one face.
Myth: Victims are in some way to blame for being harassed (‘What were you wearing?’ ‘What were you doing there?’ ‘Were you drinking?’).
Fact: The harasser is always responsible for having committed the harassment, regardless of the victim’s appearance or behaviour — the victim is not responsible for the harassment.
Myth: Only women are sexually harassed.
Fact: Both men and women may be targets or perpetrators of sexual harassment. Many more women than men are harassed. Male victims rarely seek help because of embarrassment and fear that they will not be taken seriously.
Myth: Older people are not considered sexually attractive by others, so they don’t experience sexual harassment.
Fact: Sexual harassment is unrelated to physical attractiveness or sexual desire. It is used to coerce, bully and intimidate.
Myth: People with disabilities are not sexual, so they can’t be sexually harassed or be harassers.
Fact: Despite societal attitudes and stereotypes about people with disabilities, they can be victims, or perpetrators. Some people (for example those who are disempowered or disabled) are at greater risk of being sexually harassed.
Myth: Straight people do not harass gay people.
Fact: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer/questioning and asexual (LGBTIQA+) people have been targets of harassment by other people because of myths and stereotypes born of ignorance.
Myth: Real rape victims lay charges with the police.
Fact: Rape victims rarely find the courage and time to face the disciplinary, police and legal systems. Furthermore, these systems are usually not victim-friendly.
Myth: If you fight your attacker when being sexually assaulted, you are playing hard to get. If you don’t fight back, it means you wanted it.
Fact: There is no ‘proper’ way to respond to sexual assault or rape. There are no specific marks to prove that you are a victim or not.
Myth: Some people can’t be raped, they can only be taken. If you are dating someone or married to them, forced sex with them is not rape.
Fact: Without consent, it is rape. It doesn’t matter who the victim is, or who the perpetrator is
Myth: Men don’t get raped and women don’t commit sexual offences.
Fact: The majority of sexual assaults and rapes are committed by men against women and children but women do perpetrate sexual violence. Often people who’ve been sexually assaulted or abused by a woman worry they won’t be believed or their experiences won’t be considered ‘as bad’. This can make it difficult for these survivors to access services or justice.
Men are also raped and sexually assaulted. While Rape Crisis focuses particularly on the needs and rights of women and girl survivors, we of course recognise that the impacts of sexual violence on men and boys are no less devastating and we believe all survivors of sexual violence deserve specialist support.
Find more information for male survivors here.
In law, Rape is defined as non-consensual penetration with a penis. Non-consensual penetration with something other than a penis is defined as Sexual Assault by Penetration. For those who’ve experienced sexual violence that involved penetration by something other than a penis, whoever the perpetrator was, these legal definitions can feel restrictive, upsetting or insulting.
When we work with survivors, we are led by them, encourage them to name and frame their own experiences, and use the language and expressions they find most meaningful and reflexive of what they’ve been through, rather than strict legal terminology.
We encourage everyone to respect every other person with regards and without regards to gender.
