Meeting Mr. Right Early In Life
I never considered myself to be a person who settles. Since I was a young girl, I’ve always had dreams of discovering new ideas, meeting new people from all ends of the earth, and seeing as many things as possible for the very first time.
I’ve lived in Washington, D.C. for almost three years now. When I first moved here, I remember telling myself over and over again “one year, just give it a shot.” At first, I was very unhappy, mostly because of my laborious, and dungeon-esque job where the employees seemed to forget that life was happening to them, typing and cold-calling years of their lives away.
I’ve always thought of myself as a nomad — someone who takes pleasure in going from place to place, not really having a home, never really feeling like I belong anywhere specifically. But at the same time always searching for a place to call home.
Sometimes I ask myself, “How has it already been almost three years?” I’m almost 25 years old and I haven’t moved to a different city, I have no interest in pursuing the political scene, and I don’t live anywhere near my family. So what’s keeping me here?
When I was 23, I like many people in this digitally friendly, hyper-connected world downloaded a delightfully convenient and superficial app called Tinder. I didn’t know that many people in DC, and I wanted to meet someone who wasn’t a bachelor at a dungy bar. I met some pretty crummy men — men with little ambition, too much (of the wrong) political ambition, and men who loudly and disgustingly smacked their way out of my favor.
Just when I was about to give up, I matched with Sam. I didn’t feel the whole “reach for the stars, over the fence, head over heels… world series kind of thing” when I first met him, but I did feel this consuming, intriguing, magnetically electric attraction to him that I’d never felt with anyone else. At the time, I didn’t know that I’d found the man I’d be living with for the next couple of years, someone whom I’d soon make efforts to ‘settle’ down with. But I knew there was something special and unique in the sweet, endearing man I’d just met.
Fast forward almost two years later from May of 2014, and there are beautiful traces of sun rays dispersed from the balcony throughout the room, freshly painted DC skyline canvases, home-grown basil and leafy oregano, potted chili pepper plants, antique travel gems, chess board pieces, framed pictures of the two of us, stacks upon stacks of law school, spirituality, travel and cook books disseminated everywhere across our tiny apartment I can finally temporarily call home.
Did I settle? Did I sacrifice the life I wanted to live because I met the man I want to spend my life with just a little too early? Not at all.
What about the traveling, the inconsistency, the flexibility, and uncomfortability that I so desperately wanted and needed just two years earlier? I haven’t neglected them. I still feel their need, stronger than ever but I am now held back.
I can’t just pick up my bags and decide to move to San Francisco, South America, or all the places I’ve set my heart on seeing for so many years of my life. I have to wait. Wait for for our schedules to become in-sync. For Sam to finish law school, to quit my job, to make enough money—up to this point I’ve learned that calculated timing is everything.
This is why I envy single girls at my age. They have the world at their fingertips, and most of them, especially the ones busy pursuing the cut-throat, starve your way to Capitol Hill kind-of-life, don’t even know it. They have the ability to pick up and go whenever they want in life, with practically nothing holding them back.
Would I switch lives with them? If I could go back in time and reverse the day I met Sam, would I? Not in a million years! Meeting Sam was one of the best things that ever happened to me and I understand and feel that whole-heartedly.
Before I met him, I never really took the time to appreciate and feel grateful for everything I was born into or worked for. I’ve become a more loving, understanding, patient, empathetic, and peaceful person with his presence. He’s taught me so many things — the impermanence of beauty, the justice system and the injustices that still prevail, the innate human need for belonging, the importance of caring for others, and how to say no to interference and yes to myself.
Most importantly, this love has shown me that making room for someone else in your future plans is, by no means, a bad thing. It just means you’ve actively made the choice to include this person in your life’s plans. To have made that choice is powerful.
Yes, that means you need to consider their points of views, desires, ambitions, career, family, etc., but those minute sacrifices aren’t so difficult to incorporate into your plan when you want to spend your life, your future with them.
Seeing and feeling my personal growth, the kindness that I’ve now made room for in my heart, allowing myself to become vulnerable, to feel love and be loved, and develop a connection with the world I live in — these are all real feelings I can proudly call my own because I let myself have them. Sharing this with someone and finding the one you want to spend the rest of your life with well, that in itself, especially for me, is a miracle and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.