“Move on”
Just two simple words, yet they pierce through my heart like a sharp knife.
As I lay down and read these two words, I could not help but wonder how one year has passed since you left, and I can still vividly remember the empty nights and the sickness I felt every morning. Mornings where I would run to the bathroom to vomit and bawl my eyes out, and each night, I found myself lying awake and staring at the darkness, wondering where we went wrong.
I could still remember how I would drown myself in distractions to forget you, yet these distractions, which I sought to bury the pain, only served as temporary relief.
How could you?
That has always been my lingering thought. How could you hurt me like this? How could you forget everything so easily? How could you replace me so easily? How could you sleep at night without feeling guilty for hurting me? How could you become the person we both hated? These countless questions echo like the night you gave up on us.
Moving on was never easy. One day you feel okay, but some random day, you find yourself crying yourself to sleep because you miss how it was supposed to be.
You might not have cried when they broke up with you, but you found yourself in tears when you caught a familiar scent they used to wear. You might not have cried when they broke up with you, but you found yourself tearing up when you ate their favorite food or listened to their favorite song.
You would find yourself stuck in the loophole, always back to square one. But that’s okay. Moving on was never a smooth road. “It’s okay to take years to fully heal our wounded hearts,” they say, especially when you’ve loved deeply and wholeheartedly.
But despite everything you put me through, yes, I still check up on you. I still miss your presence. I still whisper prayers for your health and happiness.
In the art of moving on, we do not become the person who wishes them their downfall; we become the person who wishes them for their happiness. The art of moving on is full of growth. It’s more than being able to accept the endings, but also about embracing the new beginnings.
Moving on is more than just a mere act of leaving the past behind.
