Glad to hear you are doing better, Ted! Your post is not ‘messy’ post at all… The purpose of life is to live with full awareness. The enlightened gurus say that if we remember to live consciously all the time, then we will not only be aware in the wakeful state, but in the states of dream and deep sleep as well! It is said that living with awareness through all these three states will take us to “turiya,”the fourth state, which is the state of bliss.
Unfortunately, most of us live unawarefully most of the time, doing things by rote rather than as a conscious beings. Such as reading a page fully without awareness or driving a known route without being totally conscious of the activity. We are all ‘sleep-walkers’ whether we realize it or not… ‘sleep-livers’ actually, barely conscious of the beautiful gift of life that is ours to enjoy each moment.
I say this to you because the experience you shared in your post indicates that you are living fully conscious of every moment to a far greater extent than most of us. This is a blessing. Truly something to be grateful. Life is not about control at all but is all about consciousness. Enjoy every moment!