Just be happy
There are Books. Podcasts. Listicles. And of course, endless emails… intent on telling me how to be happy. You know what I am talking about — the good, the bad, the ugly and some that simply make me unhappy.
But still. I do want to be happy always. Always? Yes. OK. That sounds like an impossible goal. Lower your expectation, you say. Well, that does not sit right with me. I do want to be happy always. You do too. No? Secretly perhaps? Why else would we all be doing what we do?
Working in jobs. Paying mortgages. Maintaining cars. Having children. Raising them as best as we can. Going to Vegas. Playing the lottery. Watching movies. Reading about all those successful people.
At the very bottom of it all, whatever we are doing, we do it as a means to get to our goal to be happy. Each and every one of us wants to be happy. Not like a flash in the pan. Not on some are rare occasion. Always.
Then, what keeps us from being happy all the time? Let’s check the listicles. Decide what makes you happy. Make lists. Organize. Follow your dreams. Blah, blah. blah. And we are trying, aren’t we? Nobody — at least not anyone you or I know — is sitting in a sofa, waiting for happiness to arrive and fall in their lap. Well… maybe one ot two of those are out there, but most of us are striving, not giving up, trying, failing, learning, and trying again.
Practice Gratitude, Forgiveness. Meditate. Take walks. Be kind. Get involved in something bigger than you. Make a difference. They are all good. I try.
I get it.
The one that I don’t get, though, is the one that actually says: Avoid negative people. Surround yourself with positive people.
Great! Of course. Makes sense. Negative attitudes, the nay sayers, the ones who see everything in life as bad and think everyone is out to get them… they do suck the energy out of you. And leave you low and dry before they turn to the next sucker… ‘suckee’ actually, since the negative folks are the suckers, the ones who suck the lifeblood out of you.
Have positive sunshines around you. Bask in the company of people who give off postive vibes. You will feel energized, inspired, even if you were in the dumps before their positivity enhanced and elevated your energy level.
Great!
But, I ask you, how? How will you shed people oozing negativity, the ones who get their jollies by raining on your parade? How? Walk away? Divorce? Abandon? Break up? Say Goodbye and run the other way?
It is not as easy to follow as it is to advise. What if the joy-busting-vacuums in your life are your parents? Your siblings? Your better-halves? Your children? Bound to you since birth or by birth or through sacred promises, and you realize too late that you have already created other little beings who did not ask you to create them. You walk away? And try to be happy all the time?
Despite sage counsel from an overwhelming number of sources that dispense advice and go on with their lives, I do not think walking away from loved ones is a reasonable solution in most cases. So, I set out to change my expectations. I decide to help loved ones recognize the sources of negativity and become sunshines: sunny enough to meet my perception of tolerably negative.
It shoud be easy right? You explain. You provide examles. You stay calm. You do your darnedest to make the other see what is crytsal clear to you — hoping they will soon have an aha moment, and life be sunny thereafter. Wrong. Life does not follow logic. It does not get better.
Then, I have a glimpse of wisdom. Do not try to change anyone. That’s my first nugget. You can ignore,or stop reading this, or send it to spam. But this is my hard-earned truth. Don’t even think of changing anyone. It won’t work.
Then what? Well, don’t just swallow your misery, suppress your unhappiness and pretend to be happy. It is a volcano that is bound to erupt. In the blink of an eye, the lava from your outburst will destroy everything that you struggled to build. So don’t go there.
Instead, look for happiness in the one source that is 100% reliable. That is entirely in your control.
YOU
Decide that is YOUR choice, and YOUR CHOICE ALONE to be happy.
This is the checklist I made after many trials and errors:
- Rid yourself of negative folks extraneous to your key relationships; those who will not be damaged by the severance— so-called friends, distant family, co-workers, neighbors…You can walkaway. Good riddance.
- For relationships into which you were born, gave birth to, or created: tread carefully. Lives can be damaged if you act impetuously. And, you are likely to miss your goal of being happy always — subtly worrying about the welfare of the abandoned ones, or busily pretending that you are not.
- You’ve done everything you can to make the situation better. Don’t keep repeating the same cycles. The results are a given, and you know that already. So don’t reason, argue, provide role models, or try to influence anyone to your way. They are who they are — happy with themselves.
- Now work on yourself. Only yourself. Take time for yourself. Learn to be with yourself — Sit silently. Sit still. Be comfortable. Sit still in whatever posture you like. And then, just sit. If itches, pains, needles, cramps etc. distract you, don’t react. This is your time. Just watch and they will go away of their own accord. Sit still. Preferably at the same time daily. Whatever works for you. But do it daily. Just be with yourself.
- For 10 minutes, give your full awareness to every part of your body. It is yours. A remarkable instrument that works beautifully with very little maintenance. Revel in the awareness of every cell in your body. Every limb. From top to toe. Slowly. For ten whole minutes. If your mind distracts you, give a mental shake and get back to what you were doing. No lectures to yourself. Simply get back to what you were doing.
- For the next 10 minutes, shift your awareness to your mind. Just sit still. Get centered in yourself and watch. Your thoughts will fly everywhere and your awareness will ride with them. But keep remembering and come back to your center. YOU are being aware. All your thoughts originate from your center. Sit still and watch. Stay centered in your awareness.
- For the final 10 minutes, sit still. Just sit. You are sitting awarefully. You are doing nothing. You are thinking nothing. Body and Mind are silent, in tune with your Awareness. YOU are the presence within yourself.
As you practice this, you will find yourself getting less distracted and not quite as influenced by the energies of others. You will find small changes in what used to be your routine reactions. You will begin to see glimpses of happiness for no reason — unreasonable happiness. With that comes peace. And love.
Happiness is within yourself — it is not dependent on anyone or anything outside yourself. Just look within.
Just being centered in yourself will set you free. You will be happy all the time. Not for any reason. YOU will just be happy, because your ARE.
