It could be interesting topic. I had a conversation with my best to talk about this. Anyway, she’s psychologist student, she understands people well. I really adore her, really adore her. We have a different principle, personality, belief, taste but we still fit in. Sometimes i think we are just a yin yang and we survive with our different world and share each other, include affection as all we want to or just i want to. Because she treats me heartless, emotionless, haha.. sweet little things But she accepts me all my ways.

And we made a good conversation yesterday. She teaches something me everytime i meet and talk to her. Even, it wasn’t talking a good thing in the right timing. It didn’t matter.

Well. Yesterday, i saved my time for her. To talk about this, about this meaningless life. Sounds useless. I’ll use a better word, to talk about this priceless life that we have to go through. I went to Depok around 7 pm and i took a train without thinking. Jesus gaves me traffic. Thanked God. Traffic was insanely killing us, insanely full. Because God loves us. We have to pass the test to get a new level. Kept going, i thought. I went there after finishing the internday.

For me, train is the best choice for me, but i took a train at 7 pm in central city and another test to get new level, it was crazy. Why did i say that? I had to wait for 45 minutes to get a better space to get in. I lost 4 times the chance to get in.

“Now was in rush hour”, one of the women said.

The crowd sucked, the crowd was suck. People was in madness to arrive their home. I couldn’t describe the situation. I was waiting for and i got sweating.

“Was it sauna?”, Laughing at my self, i gigled.

“I should try again but, later”, i whispered to my self. Just to take around.

“Seemed happy”, i chatted to my self

The crowd, the pace, the sweat, the body scent. I saw those things, compeletly mess. You can see all clearly. How does people try their best to get money (and buy things, some stuffs to support their (life) styles) City life matter. But the main point’s not it. I just said how difficult i had to do to meet my best. The universe took over. But we are stronger. Human matter, dude.

“We know, we have to do the hardest to meet the best”, People said. Life matter, again.

It was kind of the test. At least, we learnt some things, something.

We learnt some things. Such as never take a train in rush hour (never try this, you’ll go mad), people can be so annoyed, you have to bring litre of your cologne, and you shouldn’t forget to top up your train card. Oh, ya. I promise that’s the most important thing, TOP UP YOUR CARD! And I forgot to top up and i had to look for ATM, it was diffcult to find it instead. We should prepare for something. That’s the point

And finally i arrived at 7.30 pm and i took a walk. Getting around. Depok’s better than nangor, you can feel the nightlife till 12 pm. But it’s a bit dangerous, the rumor said. Depok has many killers.

‘Kill me’,

‘Kill me’,

‘Oh, no i haven’t got married yet, bitch’ Forget it.

Anyway, we bought some sweet corn cups and i felt my bad sweated, the odor. I should use a litre of deodorant. Haha.

We tried to find some lounge, and we found it. But, people praticed some dancing in corner was totally disturbing. We had to be cool with it.

We talked some topics about “demotivation”. What was it? I asked her, because let’s talk about demot, she said.

Ah, let her explain it. It was better, i thought. I met her to get a new class from her. I laid my body in right way. Even i was tired i listened her carefully. We know we have different major. It makes us misunderstanding sometimes. But we also get new cool words.

And the conclusion’s “me always happy to meet her”, she can always heal me in her way.

She said that people deserved help! All people. That’s it. And i haven’t written what the demotivation was yet.

Oh well, i will tell a bit about that demotivation. It wasn’t kind of the definition or blahblahblah. But some sharing what i got, it might be. It sounds so wise for me.

Demotivation’s the state of motivationless in ours. We felt so little energy to live our life, we didn’t find some trigger to do things, we got high intense mood swing. It stirs us up well. She said that in our ages we need some social supported, afection, and so many things. Ah, we shared so many things. Both of us are in this state of our mind, we mind it. we don’t like the reaction of our body. Sometimes i had to feel my legs when i woke up and she slept all day, she couldn’t get up or we could feel the anger, anxiety through your hand. Literally in your hand. She felt it too.

It brought us to talk about mental health.

Some might say ,

“Is it real? Is Mental Health Real? Is it important thing?”, i still don’t know it.

We have problem in mental health,

“do we really have it or not?” or it’s just a reason.

It’s real or not, the point isn’t that. But in other side, let’s take some good point. How do you appreciate your self ? You have a right to receive and refuse. But it couldn’t help if you didn’t appreciate your self as human. It was easy to say but hard to try. To handle our self. Then, accept us. It’s hard to love your self.

First love that you receive is self-love. it didn’t mean an ego. An ego is just the state of feeling superiority, you don’t appreciate yourself as human being and you don’t appreciate others as human. Kind a different, right? I think, it seems to “How to respect you as your self and your self-image in society”. People choose their actions for some reasons. Sometimes, timing don’t give you some excuses to explain. Because life could be so unfair.

We lost our path, belief, faith, we’re getting futher in unreasonable skeptical thinking. We think being skeptical is good. But it twists your mind, you lose your self. It’s never being good like people think. They never think what happen. Critic don’t come as smooth as they think. When people can understand by their level perception, it shows you the point that you stand for.

It was extremely decreasing motivation. It destroys you slowly. We can get trapped. it’s hard to find the turning back point. Everything seems to be blurred. We can feel the swing. I even told, i can feel the reaction physically. Literally, in your hands, your legs. It hurted but after that you can be so numb. It’s so confusing.

But who will understand you? Nobody.

People makes it as their jokes, they don’t even think a bit there are people who survive their self.