Wednesday Night 10.16.14

I’m very young and I know very little. This however shouldn't determine the expression of my own ideas or thoughts in fear of judgment from others. I’m afraid this is how a majority of people think including myself. It creates a social stigma that cycles itself to no end beginning with the fear derived from self experience that is once again used to determine necessity for the fear. I believe it seems to be a quality we've evolved beginning at the spark of life.

The ability to respond to stimuli. Evolving further to evaluating and storing information about stimuli and finally using the stored information as reference for other actions and decisions. Judgment. It was evolved for survival. Example: ‘That plant is red and it killed someone who ate it. There is another plant that is red so I had better not eat it.’ An effective adaptation in many cases though a setback in others. Possibly the red plant in question brings the person back to life but you’re too afraid to find out. Science nowadays solves this problem because we are able to use scientific processes to determine a much greater amount of information than the color of it. The problem arises when we are unable to do the same thing with ideas. Thoughts. If we let this survival adaptation that evolved within us at the base of our being control the social aspects of our mind then we are stuck in the cycle mentioned earlier that tears at the pack-like way of life we've come to live by. It stifles relationships and ones own brain in a way to completely stop progress of intellectual collaboration that would in many ways make life loads easier.

To be more specific I am speaking of collaborative perfection. Wouldn't it be ideal to have two brains to reference rather than one? Another point of view to gather insight to a situation that you would otherwise be blind to? We can’t be expected to merely shake off this quality that drove us to the top of the food chain though, can we?. I’m afraid we must in order to achieve perfection.

Evolution is easy. What isn't easy is change that isn't determined by survival of the most fit. What this means is that we must do the changing in our own minds. This at first seems very difficult. In reality it only depends on another survival adaptation we've developed. Learning. The expansion of knowledge. We can only learn by opening ourselves to exposure of new information but this leads us to a paradox in the human mind. The judgement used for so long keeps us skeptical and afraid to learn. We've evolved judgement and learning for survival in order for the two to work together but it has seemed to cripple certain aspects past basic survival and veering into interactions of two beings. In this way I determine the hive mentality for maximum intellectual collaborative efficiency is impossible in man. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. The cake being ones self but the meal being another self in addition to the first.

Solution? I’m afraid I should just man up. What does a little embarrassment matter in the end when I’ve gained knowledge. What is concerning is that it took everything said above before i really asked myself the correct question. man i’m dumb. but who cares. it doesn't matter if i’m learning. This is all silly and only what i make of it. maybe i should make it something to try for though. who needs the logistics of the situation if they don’t exactly matter in the end. what matters is the well being of ones self and maybe that self just wants something silly to think about. if only it were useful in society. I could just think of silly things all day. maybe i’m just over thinking it but idk. maybe i need to over think it to get anywhere on the subject instead of running away from it. or maybe i should just get on with life and let it go until another time i get to thinking about silly things. i swear it’s insanity without end. no conclusion. it just keeps going and going. without end. i hate the open endedness. what am i even thinking about? i’m thinking about thinking. debating things i don't know because I’m too lazy to just find it out i guess. there’s too much i want to know though. and i can’t occupy myself with one idea. ideas branch. from one idea comes all other ideas. everything is connected and it’s mind boggling to a point of insanity. got real informal down here. oops. i dont want to stop writing what im thinking though. ive never done anything like this before. the beginning was hard. i mean the beginning of this document. like.. expressing the idea. i want to just be able to -BAM- theres the idea. i’m terrible at that kind of thing though. i’m not good at making friends. or keeping them. im just not personable, really. i wish i were. i get a little lonely but the i remember how exhausting it is to not be lonely. why do i have to try around people? why cant they just deal and we can joke and eff around. i’m a weirdo and if they can’t deal with it then they’ll get over it or not get involved with me. i think i’m just bored lately. i’m liking work though. it’s interesting. i want to work there forever. i like what ive been doing and i want to be good at it. i just wish it were that easy to just learn something and be set. I’m getting tired though. goodnight