Make or break, may be not..
Was wondering for a long while how I should be bringing up this conversation.
Its been a year since I have left Mu and during the last few days of the company, if not for you and the rest of the team, I might have been even more depressed. I often thought of myself as a friend to each of you guys and tried to make sure my personal biases don’t impact my judgement. I hope I have remained neutral for as long as possible. Guilty as charged on the matter that I might have given a step daughter treatment to the team but I want you to know that I was trying to find my feet and figuring out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
I am not sure if I have ever taught you something useful but for sure I have learnt a few things from you.I might have said this multiple times already but your fascination with anything that might be close to “danger” was something I have admired a lot. That takes some balls ha!
Lately time has given me moments to ponder over my thoughts. I haven’t really sorted them out but there has been a longing feeling to spend more time with familiar faces and that is the reason I put forward if you liked to catch up. I really hope that was not troublesome.
You might wonder what is the big deal, however there is this bastard somewhere inside me, which people often describe as ego. I might have sounded at times as aggressive, pushy or desperate to get you out to catch up, which sometime might have worked and sometimes haven’t,apologies for being a bastard. Ever time it hasn't the ego bubble only grew bigger.
One might ask what the fuss is all about. The simplest answer I have is, given that we both are so opposite to each other — you are beach person while I am a hill station person, your Saturday nights have to be buzzing but mine calmer, you love fiction and I would die for a good history book — it is joyful to get a different perspective and of course to talk to someone without the fear of being judged, the latter most importantly.
Understandably, this might sound like an incoherent rambling without any context with what is up to come or what is going on. But, hey wait for the surprise — Not sure if it will be a good one or a bad one but as long as it doesn’t end with a punch on my face I would think I have dodged a bullet.
Going through some of the old conversations we had only reaffirmed my belief that somewhere down the line we did have honest conversations but me being a narcissistic bitch at times,haven’t put in enough effort to get to know you. So I thought why don’t we start all over again.
Only on the onset what I am going to say might seem like a dumb idea but give it a chance. But before that I wanted to ask, would you have,and I really hope this isn’t creepy in any sorts,behaved the same way with me had I not been your boss.I wonder what were the first impressions you had when you knew I was going to be part of your team.Tell me in a sentence or two before you proceed reading further.
Uber Clean — That is what I wanted to propose. I want us to start afresh, get to know once again.
This might start it sound silly and ridiculous but hey, I have got plenty of time and look suddenly who is acting all grown up now.
When I first saw you, you looked like a classy beautiful lady not that you aren’t now, well I might have to rethink the classy part again:)
Indeed there was this little urge deep inside to get to know you better all the while when we were part of the same team but I had a principle that “You don’t shit where eat”.The first time I really got to know you was during one of the chai-break sessions after I left the team, because I needn’t have any moral conscience then:P
That being said, I didn't know how to approach you because you kept mentioning it was slightly complicated stuff going on in your life. I didn't want to meddle with the complication. I thought I have given subtle hints but looks like they weren't charming enough.
However, it took me over a year now to come to a decision. To seriously give it a shot, to genuinely let you know that I enjoyed your company. The Kerala trip was a disappointment because I really wanted you to be part of the trip. I thought it was my break or make to get to know you. I then started developing second thoughts if I was pushing it too hard.
May be I was. The last few days, I have given it another round of thought because I wanted to make sure I was right. Every time I thought about , it only resulted in something new that I wanted to share with you — I wanted to to get to know you, I wanted to break a laughter and bring a smile, wipe off any sadness if it every occurred, share a story, share a meal, walk together,read a book in silence, get drenched in the walking under the Banglore monsoon. Experience the literal and figurative “insanity” ride.
Everything said, I have decided to let you know how I feel. Now the ball is in your court. So, answer the question. If you were wondering what the questions is, piece the first letters of every paragraph. Awaiting a response and I am sorry to have invaded your privacy and whatever the result of this conversation be, I hope we can remain amicable. I think we are mature enough to have that discussion.