Of Who is to blame for ‘You’…
As I kid, I was extremely annoying. I was a geek, a nerd, cracked a lot of jokes, was rigid about certain principles, overbearing at times and downright ignorant of the insensitive things I used to say. I used to make mistakes and enemies (not the mortal kinds) because of those mistakes. I used to get bullied in school and into fights later in college because of my behavior. Except for a half-handful of people who liked (and perhaps tolerated me), I was pretty much disliked (at various levels) by others.
None of my relationships lasted long enough. Few (my friends) wanted to hang out with me. People used to talk badly about me behind my back (which hurt).
While growing up, there comes a phase (perhaps many times) where one looks for an outsider to blame for his miseries. I was no different. Many times, after (so called) life-changing events I would be upset or even depressed, look up to the heavens and cry, “Why me?”. I would, in my naivety, ask why was I made this way, why was this happening to me.
It’s easy to blame God for the person you are, after all, you are brought up to believe that you are what God made you. It’s easy to blame God for things happening to you because, as before, you believe that God makes things happen.
Eventually, if you are smart, after each event’s conversations, you start hearing back from “God”. The voice tells you, “You cried about this two years back and yet you are here crying again about the same qualities you have or mistakes you made. I allowed you to change, but you are not changing. The fault is yours and the culprit is you, not me!”
Of course, this isn’t God speaking, but, if you have a rational mind, it’s your rationality talking back (in frustration) to you. You start thinking about all the opportunities you had to change but sub-consciously (or even explicitly) say, “this is who I am!” as an excuse or as a defiant reason not to do things differently.
Almost 40 years in my life and I can tell you this with certainty: I am a geek, a nerd, crack a lot of jokes, am rigid about certain principles, am overbearing at times and downright ignorant of the insensitive things I say.
Today, I accept that I am this way because I chose to make myself this way. This is who I am and because of it, whatever happens to me, is my doing and my fault. I leave God out of my conversations. Self-pity and self-loathing is a thing of the past because once you realize that you are the perpetrator, your role as a victim doesn’t really matter.
To the young who think their lives are shit and need an outlet to blame, look inwards, for the blame is entirely yours for letting things happen, by you or to you. Stop reacting and start taking things into your own hands. Change or accept who you are and the consequences of being that way. Don’t blame your parents, friends, enemies, society, the world or God.