I Suck At Being Human.
and you might, too.
I’ve been in constant flux all my life. Not to say that’s a bad thing. A regular human being needs continuous change. What I mean by continuous change is…I don’t know what the f**k I’m doing; therefore, I’m trying to do everything. Unsuccessfully.
Here’s what I’ve learned from being me thus far.
Parents Should Avoid Planning Kid Parties.
I grew up in Highland park, California in 1992. Before it was a town filled with skinny jeans, thick framed glasses, and vibrant colored beanies, it was just a town filled with Mexicans. The town itself wasn’t safe, but out of some strange stroke of luck nothing bad ever happened to me.
I had the same teacher for the first three years of my elementary — Mrs. Locatell. She wasn’t the most patient, but I felt comfortable with her. I remember she used to bend down on her knees and scold kids when they were being di**heads. Her eyes would pop out and her lips would get tight. At the time she reminded me if a witch. I loved her. I was one of her students up until second grade. I refused to learn how to count money, so she had to bribe me with a huge toy race car to get me to learn. I learned.
It was at this point that I had my first birthday party. My mom and grandma reserved the local McDonald’s playpen back when it still had a ball pit. I invited everyone including a guy named Domingo. He was an a**hole and I only remember him because he was the only one who refused to accept my invite. He told me he would be “too sick” to go. I didn’t think anything of it until my mom pointed out that nobody could possibly know if they were going to be sick ahead of time. I was pissed, so I told Mrs. Locatell all about it. Yeah I was a snitch. Better than being an a**hole.
It turned out to be an awful party. Only two of my friends showed up. If you really want to f**k with a kid for life, don’t go to his birthday party. I had never felt so insignificant before. There was a large tray full of McDonald’s Happy Meals and only three were eaten that day.
That was the first and last time I had a party with friends.
Kids Need Change or Else They Get Too Attached
I hated my third grade teacher. He was a man, had a gray beard, wore old man’s glasses, ate cottage cheese, and always had lunch before us. Most importantly, he wasn’t Mrs. Locatell. I asked my mom to convince the principle into letting Mrs. Locatell teach me third grade, but they insisted “it didn’t work that way.” I was stuck with him up until he stopped showing up for class. I actually missed him after that. Kids always find a reason to hate you, but it’s not until you’ll gone that they’ll learn the true meaning of absence.
We spent the rest of the year with substitute teachers. My favorite was a woman named Mrs. Jones. She reminded me of a minion. She would show us magic tricks and let us play with puppets. The last time I saw her was about ten years ago (I’m 24 now). She was exiting a Kaiser Permanente and had pink hair. I’m not sure if she was still a substitute by then. I hope she still was.
Weird Looking People Might Change your Life
Besides Mrs. Jones, we were also taught by a teacher named Mrs. Salas. She had a stoic face and looked as if she had no business teaching children. I owe her a lot. She was the one who gave me the leading role in my first play. She turned out to be nice.
You Should Follow Your Passion. No matter what.
In fourth and fifth grade, I was a writer. I remember sitting in my room and writing my own biography. It wasn’t until sixth grade that I actually found out it’s called an autobiography…oops.
I continued to write short stories about anything and everything until I moved on to middle school. I wish I had saved just one. I ended up giving them away to anyone who wanted them in class. Save all of your projects. Or at least just one.
I quit creative writing after elementary school and I wish I hadn’t. It could have been the skill that made me special. Now I can’t even draft a simple character.
Kids Will Do Stupid Sh*t
In sixth grade I moved from LA to Sylmar (still pretty Mexican heavy). It was at this time that I learned to make a basic website. My first was on Mayan culture. It was actually part of an assignment. It was kick a** learning how to make one and actually putting it up on the internet. I was hooked from then on out.
My second was a fan site for The Killers, an indie rock band from Nevada. You might have heard of them.
It was here that I learned how big of a mess you can get into for being a bully. For some reason or another, a classmate of mine talked me into putting a link on my website to his website. It was a huge mistake because his website was actually made to bully one of my close friends. I was pulled into the dean’s office in a matter of days and asked a lot of stupid questions about what my site was about. Why I made it. why the band’s name was ‘The Killers’. He even made me call my parents to explain to them what I had gotten myself into. I could have gotten sued over it but no charges were filed.
I have’t touched that website since, but I continued making stupid websites that really had no point up until 8th grade*.
*NOBODY WAS HARMED IN THE MAKING OF SAID WEBSITES.
It’s Better To Keep Expectations Low
After my website phase, I decided that I wanted to become a famous actor. My mom dropped a couple of hundred bucks on acting classes and head shots. I booked my own auditions until I found an agent. She did nothing to help me. Neither did the manager after her, or the agent after her, or the agent after them. Three years later, I gave up on the whole “agent/manager” thing and just submitted myself to projects and casting calls.
I got two great roles in some indie films and did a sh*t ton of community theatre….which led me no where.
I continued onto high school drama where I would be known as one of the main “drama geeks.” I would go on to graduate with a scholarship to pursue acting with a lot of support from my counselor, Ms. Campbell. She got me through a lot of mental hurdles. I owe her a lot. Last I heard, she finally retired last year.
Not Everyone is a College Kid
I got suckered into college. It’s all just a craze. I always told myself I would never go to college, especially if I chose to pursue a career in performing arts. I not only believed it was a waste of time, I strongly believed they stripped you of all originality. Anyways, I went on to be accepted into The American Musical and Dramatic Academy. I f*cken loved it! The only reason I applied was to have something typed under my high school yearbook picture. As it turned out, going to private school is REAAALLLYYY expensive. On the first year alone I managed to take out over $10,000 worth of student loans. I quit my second year and started working full time as a games attendant at a theme park…
Not Everyone is a Worker Bee
I was a games attendant for three years until management stamped me as “unpromotable” in the department. I said, “screw it!” and transferred into Human Resources where I made three times the amount of money and was later promoted to a Supervisor.
Fast forward seven years later and here I am. I wouldn’t say I’m miserable but I’m not happy anymore. Which brings me to my final thought.
Not Everyone Knows Where They’re Headed
A couple of months a go I got a DUI and that forced me to reevaluate my whole life. Most of you might be thinking that a DUI is a sh*t conviction compared to what’s out there, but it is a big deal to me.
It’s been two days and the emotions are starting to sink in. The weight is starting to become heavy. The water is…medium.com
I’ve never been so down before. What I’ve learned most is the importance of keeping track of time and how easy it is to loose it. Unlike money, once time is gone, you’ll never get it back. I haven’t had a bad life at all. I guess I’m just surprised at how much value I’ve put into my life…which is safe to say is close to nothing. If I died tomorrow that’s it. I’m rat sh*t.
My Message To You
Think about where you’re headed before exiting the building. If you’re unhappy, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
A good life isn’t defined by the amount of bullets you dodge, but on how many times you get up.
I only say this because I haven’t done ANYTHING worth mentioning now that I’m looking back at my life. I’ve just been living. Getting by. I’m filled with a lot of good ideas and no work behind them. Not exciting. I’m not complaining. I’m just…evaluating.
It’s about time for me to start doing things. Living life. Experiencing the world and sh*t. You know? And you should, too. It’ll be good for the both of us.